


The One That Got Away

by nicky_writes



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Sith!Reader, Slow Burn, eventual love, kind of a slow pace but worth it i promise, obi-wan kenobi/reader - Freeform, the reader is very sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2018-09-27 10:08:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10005344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicky_writes/pseuds/nicky_writes
Summary: You and Obi-Wan were childhood friends at the temple, but after leaving Coruscant to train under a Sith, you don't see one another for 14 years. Reunited on a mission, the two of you form a rivalry that'll span many years, changing the both of you along the way. Along with the fighting, though, come feelings that are impossible for the both of you to fight. Will the two of you ever be together, or are you destined to always be the one that got away?





	1. Chapter 1

The first time the two of you met, it was in the Archives of the Jedi temple. You were six years old, and he was nine. You’d been trying to reach a datapad resting on a shelf just out of reach. No matter how high you jumped, you were only able to brush your fingertips against it, and you were starting to feel a buildup of frustration bubbling within you. That’s when you heard it - the sweetest voice your ears had ever been graced with. 

“Would you like some help with that?” 

Turning around, you saw a boy standing there, looking down at you with a kind smile. And despite your dissatisfaction with your situation, you felt your lips twitching upwards as well. 

“Yes, please.” 

Stepping aside, you watched as the boy stepped forward, easily getting the data pad and handing it to you. 

“This story is one of my favorites,” he offered. Taking the pad from him, your heart gave a quick squeeze as your fingers brushed against his. 

“I’ve never read it before,” you confessed, looking down as a blush stained your cheeks. 

“Well, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did,” his accented voice commented. “Maybe, once you’ve finished it, we can talk about it. Discuss. I would love to have someone to go over it with.”

“I… I would like that,” you nodded, looking back up to catch his blue eyes watching you with an honest, open friendliness that you couldn’t help but feel drawn to. 

“I’m Obi-Wan,” he introduced himself, inclining his head in a small bow. “What is your name?” 

“I’m (Y/N).” 

_____________

Fourteen years later found you in a bar on some planet you’d never been to before. You were more interested in the contents of your glass than sight-seeing, though. As lovely as you were sure your new surroundings were, you had a mission to accomplish. Two Jedi had been sent there to assist a large group of protesters who didn’t like how the local government was behaving. Something about corrupt senators - you weren’t sure what the exact issue was. But you did know that your job was to stop them from doing so. And that’s all that mattered. 

Draining the last of your drink, you looked up as you felt two force signatures enter the building, and your yellow eyes looked through the crowed to see them bustling in out of the cold, the hoods of their oversized cloaks covering most of their features. Smirking, you motioned for the bartender to refill your glass, never taking your eyes off the two men as they approached the counter you were now leaning against. 

“One second,” the barkeep told them, making your drink and sliding it to you before walking over to them. “What can I help you with?”

“The sign outside mentioned you were renting out some rooms upstairs?” the taller figure questioned in a deep, soothing tone. You stepped a bit closer, trying to subtly listen in on their conversation. 

“I am. Why do you ask? Interested in spending a few nights here?” 

“We are.” The jedi produced a heavy bag of coins, letting it fall to the bar with a thud. “I assume this will cover it?” 

Picking the bag up, the barkeep dumped the credits and started counting through them, and you had to smirk as his eyes became comically large at how much money was resting before him. Looking down at your glass, you took another sip, not noticing when the second figure made its way cautiously to your side. 

“You seem to be interested in our conversation,” a cool voice observed, sending shivers down your spine. Turning casually to him, you watched as his hands moved up to push his hood back, revealing the handsome face of a senior padawan learner, if the braid draped over his shoulder was anything to go by. What caused your heart to stop beating for a split second, though, was the pair of blue, kind eyes that were now looking into yours. You’d seen those eyes before. You’d never forgotten them, even after more than a decade of trying to forget where you came from. Your one friend from your padawan days, before you’d vowed to be trained in the ways of the dark side. 

“Is there something I can help you with?” he prompted once more, arching an eyebrow. Forcing yourself to wipe the surprised expression off your face, you shook your head, banishing all thoughts of the boy you once knew from your mind. 

“No thank you,” you responded neutrally, throwing a smirk onto your lips. “You’ll have to forgive me; I’ve never seen a Jedi before, much less one so handsome as yourself.” 

Now both of his eyebrows were raised, and it was his turn to look at you with surprise, the faintest of blushes coming to his cheeks. 

“I…” he trailed off, shaking his head. 

“Obi-Wan,” the other Jedi suddenly called out, and as he removed his own hood, you recognized him as Qui-Gon Jinn. He’d been a knight the last time you’d seen him, not serving on the council. You were relieved by this; if there was one thing you hated, it was the Jedi Council. God, how you despised those people. 

“Obi-Wan, our rooms are ready,” Master Jinn said, causing his apprentice to turn back to him. You stared at the broad scape of his back, pondering how much he’d grown and changed over the years as he answered his teacher. 

“Alright, Master,” he nodded before turning back to you. “I think I’ll have a drink first, though, as long as that’s alright with you.” 

Looking between his apprentice and you, the older man nodded and started walking towards the narrow set of stairs on the far end of the room. Fighting to trample down the nervousness that welled up within you at the thought of being reunited with your childhood friend, you turned back to your drink, sipping on it to buy yourself time. 

“So,” Obi-Wan spoke once again. “You’ve never met a Jedi before?” 

“I haven’t,” you lied, smiling and putting on what you hoped to be an expression of girlish admiration. “But I’ve heard stories.” 

“What kind of stories?” 

“Stories about the Jedi being heros and peace keepers,” you explained, a note of bitterness sneaking into your tone. “Helping people… Saving people…”

“Hmm,” Obi-Wan considered, leaning against the table and looking down at you, a mixture of intrigue, suspicion, and confusion settling over his features. Even after all of the years, all of the changes that had transformed the both of you, you could still read him so well. It was the eyes; they were so true, almost incapable of hiding what lay within them. 

“So what brings you here, then?” he questioned. 

“I go wherever the wind takes me,” you answered vaguely. “And what about you, Jedi? You’re here to be a hero and save the peace?” 

“If I can,” he smiled. “For now, I want to know the real reason why you’ve been watching us since we first walked in.” 

Chuckling, you grinned, a part of you relieved that his wit hadn’t faden since you last saw him. 

“Impressive,” you commented, straightening up. “And here I thought I was a good actress.” 

“I wouldn’t quit your day job,” he remarked. “Which is what, exactly?” 

Drowning the last of your drink, you turned to face him fully, crossing your arms and looking up at him intensely. 

“Obi-Wan,” you murmured, and a faint gleam sparked in his eyes, a vague recollection of a memory that hadn’t been called to mind for a long time. 

“I’m here because it’s what the force wants. Everything is as the force wills it to be,” you said softly. “And I have a feeling that it’s what’s brought us together here today.” Leaning back, you threw a few credits onto the bar’s surface to pay for your drinks before turning towards the exit, calling over your shoulder to the stunned padawan still standing there. 

“I have the strangest feeling that we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other very soon.” 

__________

“I’m telling you, Master, I don’t trust her,” Obi-Wan was saying the next day, following Qui-Gon through the large city hall building. “She...she seemed off. The force moved strangely around her.” 

“Obi-Wan, I think you’re just flustered about a girl calling you handsome,” the older man laughed. A blush spread over the padawan’s cheeks, and his expression turned into one of frustration. 

“I am not, I assure you,” he groaned, rolling his eyes. “I truly have a bad feeling about her.”

“I will admit, I sensed something odd within the force as well,” Qui-Gon admitted. “And those eyes of hers were quite unsettling. But I’m sure everything will work out. No need to be overly concerned, my young apprentice.” 

Turning down a wide corridor, the two of them came to a stop when they saw someone standing at the end of the hall, between them and the door to the office of the senator they were on their way to question and then, most likely, to arrest. The Jedi immediately stopped as they took in the way the figure stood there, draped in a black cloak that covered them like an inky shadow. 

Reaching into their own cloaks, they drew their lightsabers, feeling the force trembling with anticipation for what was about to happen. A low, feminine chuckle sounded from the blackness, and your voice could be heard echoing through the empty air. 

“I’d stop there, Jedi,” you stated, pushing your hood back. “The senator is already being escorted out of the building as we speak; it’s no use.” 

“Who are you?” Obi-Wan demanded, tilting his head to the side as his eyes flitted over your form. “Why are you doing this?” 

“I have my orders,” you stated, reaching towards your belt and drawing a lightsaber of your own out. “I don’t want to fight you two.” 

Frowning, Qui-Gon looked at the weapon’s hilt as you gripped it in your gloved hand tightly. 

“That is the weapon of a force-user,” he commented, taking a few steps closer. “The weapon of a Jedi.” 

Smirking widely, you ignited your blade, taking in the two men’s shocked expressions as it glowed a deep crimson. 

“I’m no Jedi,” you growled. Not giving them a chance to reply, you sprinted forward, slashing between the two of them just as they managed to ignite their own weapons. Spinning between the two of them, you began to fight both of them, jumping between their blue and green blades and calling back on your training, hearing your master’s deep growl in your head as he guided you through the techniques Sith had been using for years. 

Gritting your teeth, you couldn’t help but focus on Obi-Wan’s movements, admiring his form as it twisted and turned to combat your attacks. The sound of lightsabers hitting against each other filled the hall, but you didn’t let the fight drown out the plan you were reciting in your head. Lead them away, then make your escape with the senator, then take him to your Master. 

Thus far it was going down without a hitch, both of them easily steered towards the exit. In the background, city officials were on their comm units, calling for help as the three strangers fought with laser swords. You paid them no heed, though, as you used the force to open the doors behind you, squinting in the sudden sunlight as you sprinted outside. 

Qui-Gon suddenly lashed out in a move you hadn’t seen coming, grazing your thigh. Letting out a pained gasp, you thrust your hand out, sending him flying through the air with a rush of the force. Left facing just Obi-Wan, you couldn’t fight back the smile as you considered him, the fire in his eyes from the fight and the way his chest rose and fell from the excursion. 

“Who are you?” he suddenly demanded, locking your saber against his and leaning forward, face just inches away from yours. For a moment, you considered lying, considered keeping the truth from him. But something deep within you rose to the surface, and you were talking before you’d even made a conscious decision. 

“I go by Darth Animus,” you purred, leaning even closer, feeling his breath wash over your face. “But, in the past, I’ve been called (Y/N).” 

For a brief moment, his face held confusion, realization, and then shock as he looked at what his childhood friend had become. A stab of pain pierced through you as you saw disappointment flit through his features, but it melted away upon hearing that sweet voice you’d first heard as a small child speak your name. 

“...(Y/N)?” he questioned breathlessly, his grip on his saber loosening. “I thought you were dead.” 

Your eyes softened, and your voice dropped to a whisper as you replied to him. 

“In a way, I am,” you stated, regret saturating your tone. “The (Y/N) I was is gone.” 

And with that, you twisted your saber, throwing his blade away and pushing him back towards Qui-Gon before turning and running to your ship, hopping on just as it started to lift off. Sparing a glance down, you watched as Obi-Wan’s eyes followed your retreating form, knowing in your heart that you shouldn’t have told him what you had. 

Because it wasn’t true; you were still in there. Deep down. But you couldn’t let him see that, couldn’t let yourself hope that he wouldn’t give up on finding the real you in the darkness that you’d become. As much as you wanted that to happen, as much as you wanted him to want you, you couldn’t allow it. 

You had a job to do, a master to serve, a purpose to be carried out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one, but I wanted to update it quickly. So I hope you enjoy!

“She was a Sith,” Qui-Gon declared, looking around the room at the faces of the council. “My padawan says she told him her name was Darth Animus.” 

“But she used to live here,” Obi-Wan added. “She…She was a friend. (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” 

At this, Master Yoda and Windu exchanged a glance before turning to face the two Jedi before them. 

“Distressing news, this is,” Yoda hummed, nodding his head sagely. “If what you say, true is, then the Sith have returned. A strong adversary, we have.”

“Did she mention a master that she serves?” Mace questioned. “Usually Sith are found in pairs.”

“There was no one with her,” Master Jinn answered. “But she was there to prevent us from confronting the corrupt senator responsible for the civil unrest. We tried to track their ship, but it moved too soon out of our sensors’ reach.” 

“It looked as if they were headed towards the Illenium system, Masters,” Obi-Wan commented. “Should we follow her?” 

The council sat in silence for a long moment, looking between one another cautiously. 

“Much to discuss, we have,” Yoda murmured. 

“Give us some time to think through this, and we’ll instruct you further,” Shaak Ti stated. “For now, thank you for all you’ve done. We will get to the bottom of this.” 

Master Jinn nodded his head and bowed along with his apprentice before turning on his heel and walking out, mulling over what had just happened. 

“Why aren’t we going after her?” Obi-Wan asked him, brows furrowed in both confusion and indignation. “The longer we wait, the further she gets away.” 

“I do not understand the council’s decision either, padawan,” Qui-Gon answered. “But trust that everything will work out in the way the force intends it to.” 

“I-” the younger man was about to say, but he shook his head, forcing himself to stay quiet. His personal feelings were troubling him; he knew this. He wanted to know why you’d left all those years ago, why you’d made everyone believe you were dead. They’d even had a funeral for you - it had been there that Obi-Wan had cried for the first time, mourning the loss of one of his dearest friends. 

And now you were a Sith. How had the sweet girl he’d once known turned into such a dark, evil being, the very thing that he’d been taught to fight against. 

__________

“How did your mission fare, my apprentice?” 

Drawing your cloak tighter around yourself, you shrugged as you stood before your master, trying to ignore the cold of the cave you were both in. Though, if you were being honest, the shiver creeping down your spine was not due to the temperature, but rather from the man that stood before you. 

“Everything went according to plan, Master.” 

“And the Jedi?” 

“Easily taken care of,” you declared, tilting your chin up as you tried to appear confident. 

“Very good, Animus,” the hooded figure commended. “Your training has served you well.” 

“Thank you, Master,” you sighed, shifting on your feet. “What is my next mission?” 

“I do not know,” he answered. “I will have to consult with my own master; he will know what to do.” 

Your heart quickened at the mention of that; you’d never met the infamous Darth Sidious, only heard of him from the man who’d trained you for half of your life. While Darth Maul was powerful, he was nothing compared to the Sith Lord who controlled his every movement. 

“Perhaps,” you said slowly, looking down at the ground, “I could talk with him myself about what he wishes me to do.” 

A harsh chuckle sounded from your teacher, and he walked past you, letting your shoulders brush as he walked away. 

“I understand, Animus. In the grand scheme of things, we are rivals; one day you will try to take my place, just as I will attempt to take my master’s title of Sith Lord,” he growled. Pausing at the end of the room, he turned back to you, his red eyes scanning your form with a sneer painted across his lips. “But for now, you are too weak. Believe me when I tell you that you wouldn’t last a day under my master’s tutelage. Be grateful I even bother with you.” 

With that he turned and left, and you stared daggers at his retreating form. Oh, if only he knew. 

_____________

In the end, your next mission found you a week or so later in the form of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Truly, you shouldn’t have been surprised; you hadn’t been lying when you told him you had a feeling the two of you would be seeing more of each other. You didn’t expect him to come find you in yet another bar, however, and you didn’t expect to feel the hilt of his lightsaber digging into your side. It wasn’t ignited, thankfully, but you still let out a pained hiss as it poked harshly against your ribs. 

“Do not move, Sith,” he commanded, and you let out a chuckle, turning your head to face him. 

“Obi-Wan,” you hummed. “Is that your saber, or are you just happy to see me.” 

“Stop it, (Y/N),” he growled, and you felt your knees weaken at the deep timbre of his voice. Truthfully, you’d had a crush on him when you were still a youngling, and you’d be lying if you said your old feelings were suddenly brought back with full force, especially with how handsome he’d grown to be. 

“Are you going to arrest me, Kenobi?” you asked, turning so your whole body was facing his. “Alone?” 

“I’ve alerted my master to your whereabouts,” he stated. “He’ll be here any second.” 

Ah. So they must have split up to search for you. You’d known a week ago that they would track your ship, but you’d expected the council to give them orders to stay away until they could get more information on you. Fools. As if you couldn’t handle one master and his padawan. 

“Well, then. We’d better make the most of our time until he shows up,” you purred. “Let me buy you a drink?” 

“Wha-? No. I didn’t come here to drink with you,” he said, shaking his head. “I came here to arrest you.” 

“I don’t see why we can’t do both,” you sighed. “In any case, I’m drinking. You might as well, too.” Taking a sip of your Coruscant Sunrise, you arched an eyebrow, daring him to make a move. You were disappointed when, instead, he reached out, grabbing your glass and taking it from your hand. 

“It’s not even noon yet,” he observed, and you had to laugh, smiling in earnest for the first time in a while. 

“I’m a Sith, you’re a Jedi, and the thing you’re concerned about is when I choose to drink?” Letting out another chuckle, you shook your head. “Obi-Wan, you can still make me laugh. A rare talent, I assure you.” 

Looking over your face, Obi-Wan considered your words, pushing the drink further away from you until it was out of reach. 

“What happened, (Y/N)?” he asked, a hint of sadness leaking into his tone. “Why are you this way?” 

Clenching your jaw, you sighed through your nose and looked down at your hands where they rested against the bar. 

“It’s Animus now,” you stated. “And I am what I need to be. You’re wrong if you think I had a choice in this.” 

With that, two things happened. First, the bell above the bar’s door chimed, announcing Master Jinn’s presence. Second, Obi-Wan looked up, eyes leaving you to look at his master. This was his first mistake. 

Spinning quickly, you grabbed his wrist, twisting it so his saber wasn’t pointed at you. Using the leverage of the grip you had on him, you pushed him away and started sprinting towards the back of the bar, pushing through patrons and launching yourself out the backdoor and towards your ship. You heard Obi-Wan’s voice call out from somewhere behind you, but you paid it no heed, not stopping until you were in your ship and headed out of the atmosphere. 

Your former friend’s voice still rang in your ears, and you were shocked to feel a sting come from behind your eyes. Were you really tearing up over what he’d said? 

“Get it together, (Y/N),” you sighed, shaking your head. “Get it together.”


	3. Chapter 3

Life was full of strange happenings, especially when the force decided to get involved. Your life, for instance, had been one big strange happening, and until that day when you were reunited with Obi-Wan, it had been pretty shitty. But, as if that was the first domino leading to a series of strange events, you soon found yourself with a mission that led you back to the very temple you’d been raised in. 

It was five months after your last encounter with Kenobi, after he’d tried to arrest you. Since then, you’d been more careful about not leaving a trail, making sure your ship wasn’t traceable, trading it in at one point for a less distinctive model. Until you received an assignment in which you had to intentionally get caught by the Jedi, taken into their custody in the very place you’d sworn never to step foot into again. 

And, so, here you were on Coruscant, strolling through a park closeby to the huge building. You were still contemplating what exactly you were supposed to do in order to get caught without making it seem too obvious that that was your intention. As you were thinking of possible ways to do this, you turned down a path and froze, seeing none other than Obi-Wan Kenobi sitting on a park bench, reading a data pad intently. Letting out a little chuckle, you couldn’t help but be amused by the coincidence. What were the odds? 

Taking a few steps closer, you made sure to quiet your footfalls, wanting just a few more moments to observe him. He really was beautiful. A tall, lean build with hair that shone in the sun, he took your breath away. Now, as he read, a tiny crease rested between his eyebrows, one that you remembered he always got when he was considering something intently. 

Deciding that now was as good a time as any to get your mission underway, you sauntered up and sat down beside him, watching in amusement as he didn’t even spare a glance your way, having no clue who it was next to him. 

“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” you suddenly spoke loudly, and you let out a big laugh as he jumped at the sound of your voice, scrambling backwards as far from you as the small bench would allow. 

“H-how did you-? Why are you-?” he stuttered, and you shook your head. 

“Use your words, Obi-Wan.” 

“WHY are you here?” he demanded, setting the data pad down and reaching into his robes, presumably towards his saber. 

“I missed you,” you said, and it wasn’t a complete lie; you’d always missed him. “And there’s no need for sabers; I won’t fight you.” 

Not relaxing for one moment, Kenobi looked you over skeptically. 

“You mean to tell me that, after 5 months in hiding, you’ve come directly up to me to tell me you missed me?” 

“Well… No. I’m a Sith; I obviously have ulterior motives,” you chuckled, relaxing back into the bench. “But that doesn’t make it not true. How’ve you been?” 

“I haven’t slept well ever since knowing there were Sith on the loose within the galaxy,” he snarked. 

“Come now, Obi-Wan. I’d never hurt you.” 

“And I should believe that...why?”

“Because you were my first and only friend,” you sighed, looking up at the blue sky above you. “And it would be a shame to take out the most handsome Jedi. The force would never forgive me.” 

“I truly wish you’d stop saying that,” he muttered, and you turned to flash him a smile. 

“I can’t help it. Being cocky and flirtatious kinda comes with the Dark Side.” You shrugged, crossing your legs. “But I’ll stop if I’m making you uncomfortable.” 

“I’m not...uncomfortable,” he frowned. “Just...confused. You act as if we aren’ mortal enemies.” 

“Because I don’t consider us to be,” you explained. “Sure, we’re on different sides, but that doesn’t mean we have to constantly be at each other’s throats. Why can’t we just sit on a bench and enjoy the sunshine like civilized people?” 

“You know why,” he stated. Heaving a heavy sigh, he reached into the pocket of his cloak, pulling out a thin pair of handcuffs that you were sure were force-suppressant. “You are now under arrest for-”

“Holy shit, do you seriously keep handcuffs with you wherever you go?”

“...For conspiring with malicious forces and-”

“No, seriously, what kind of kinky shit are you into?” 

Blushing fiercely, Obi-Wan grabbed your wrists and snapped the cuffs onto them, and you let out a weak puff of air as your connection to the force was cut off. As he continued reading you your rights, he stood up, pulling you with him and leading you out of the park towards the Temple. 

_____________

“Master, do you really think I should be the one guarding her?” Obi-Wan protested as Qui-Gon followed him out of the council room. He’d just reported your capture, and Master Yoda had given him the grand privilege of being your guard. 

“Why shouldn’t you be?” 

“You know of my past involvement with her,” he sighed, tugging at his braid, as he was in the habit of doing when he was stressed. 

“You two were friends for a year when you were very young. So what?” 

“We were best friends from the time I was nine to when I became your padawan,” he clarified. “After that we lost touch, but… It doesn’t change the fact that we played together as children. As much as I’m trying to, it’s very hard for me to ignore that fact.” 

“I know, Obi-Wan,” the older man sighed, resting a hand on his pupil’s shoulder. “But perhaps this will be a good exercise for you. Release those feelings to the force, and use the quiet time to meditate. I think you’ll be able to control your emotions better if you try and study exactly what they are and why you’re feeling them.” 

“...Alright, Master,” Kenobi sighed. “I suppose I’ll trust your judgement.” 

“Very good, my padawan. Now, I must go discuss something with Master Nu, so I’ll leave you to your new assignment. May the force be with you.” 

“And with you, Master.” 

____________

Your cell was neither luxurious nor comfortable, and you found yourself agitatedly pacing it. Within the walls were steel rods that contained a special kind of radiation that cut force-sensitives off from its influence, and it set your nerves on edge not to be able to connect to what had been a crutch for you ever since you could remember. Aside from this, there was no mattress for you to use, simply a ratty old cot that had been thrown into a corner as an afterthought. Aside from that, there was one chair and one tiny doorway that led to a bathroom that contained a toilet and a shower that was approximately four feet by four feet. 

It was fair to say that you would rather sleep inside of a dumpster than in this place. Not only were your accommodations abhorrent, but there was a young padawan, no older than 13, posted outside your door. 13 years old! Way to add insult to injury. 

As you paced, you tried to close your eyes and relax your shoulders, focusing on their muscles one by one as you tried to loosen them. It didn’t work, however, and you eventually slumped against a wall, sliding to the floor and sitting with your knees against your chest. 

You were just about to go insane before a familiar, soothing voice sounded from somewhere close. 

“Padawan Torrace,” it said, “I’ll be relieving you of your post. Did she give you any trouble?” 

“Not at all, Padawan Kenobi,” the young boy said, and from between the bars, you could see a boyish look of admiration and awe splayed on his features; he no doubt looked up to Obi-Wan. “She just walked around. But I’m glad you’re here; her eyes kinda creep me out.” 

“I am,” you called out in an exasperated tone, “right here. I can hear everything you’re saying.” 

“She’s harmless in there,” Kenobi assured Torrace as a scared look crossed his features. “She’s just irritable because of the radiation. Now, run along and report to your Master.” 

“Yes, Obi-Wan.” 

With that, the boy went scurrying off, and you felt a stirring of excitement as you were left alone with your childhood friend. 

“Hello, again,” you greeted, and you were answered with a barely-there nod thrown in your direction. Sitting on the floor with his back against the wall across from you, Obi-Wan closed his eyes and set his hands on his knees, taking a meditation pose. Grinning wickedly, you scooted over to the bars and mimicked his stance, sitting cross-legged and facing him. Wrapping your hands around the bars, you leaned forward and pressed your forehead against them. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Attempting to meditate,” was his terse reply. 

“Already giving me the silent treatment?” you asked, and your suspicion was confirmed when he didn’t answer you. 

“Oh, come on,” you groaned after about a minute. “We haven’t seen each other in almost fifteen years, and you’re not the least bit curious about me? I’m curious about you!” 

“You’re a Sith; I’m a Jedi. What is there to be curious about?” 

“Is your favorite color still green?” you questioned, and one of his eyes cracked open to look at you suspiciously. 

“...You remembered that?” 

“I remember everything you told me,” you admitted, grinning when both of his eyes opened to look at you. 

“That can’t be true.”

“The first words you ever said to me were “would you like some help with that”,” you recalled, watching as surprise flickered over his features. “You helped me get a book down from a shelf. You told me that it was one of your favorites. Did I ever tell you that, after reading it, it became one of mine as well?” 

“...Yes,” he sighed. “Yes. You told me that the second time we saw each other. You...you said that you’d read it all in one night.” 

Now it was your turn to be the surprised one. Hesitantly, you let your hands fall to rest on your knees, and you leaned forward slightly. 

“Do you remember, too?” you asked cautiously. A moment of unsurety crossed his features, and it took him a few seconds to answer you. 

“...Yes,” he whispered. “I remember everything, too.” Looking down, he took a deep breath in through his nose and let it out slowly, squeezing his knees until his knuckles were white. 

“I’m going to meditate now,” he stated firmly, closing his eyes once more. You knew better than to push it, so you just nodded and stood up, making your way over to your cot and staring up at the ceiling for what felt like hours. 

All these years, you’d wondered if you were special to him like he was to you, or if you’d been just another youngling at the temple. Now you knew, though. Now you knew.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW did Nicky die or something?! I'm so sorry, guys. Lots of stuff happened all at once, and it's been forever since I've written. I promise, I'm gonna buckle down and focus more on this story. 
> 
> Till then, enjoy! As always, leave a comment letting me know what you think

The rest of your first day of imprisonment passed by without any further incident. Obi-Wan meditated, you stared at the walls, ceiling, and him interchangeably, and eventually he left for the guard who had the night shift to take over. As you slept that night, you had dreams of Obi-Wan and nightmares about your past, until you awakened from your slumber late the next morning. 

Waiting for you when you woke up was a tray filled with breakfast foods. A bowl of mushy-looking porridge, a cup of fresh fruit, and a steaming mug of caf sat there, and on the other side of the bars, Obi-Wan was reading a data pad. Sitting up on the cot, you let out a groan as you stretched your arms above your head, and his blue eyes snapped up to your yellow ones. 

“You’re awake,” he observed. 

“Unfortunately, yes,” you deadpanned, scooting over to the tray. At this point, though, you would prefer to be awake rather than asleep, at the mercy of your demented imagination and the night terrors it stirred. 

As you ate, Obi-Wan watched you, and from the look on his face, it seemed as if he was anxious to tell you something. You remembered the look from your padawan days, and eventually you set your spoon down and looked up pointedly. 

“What is it, Obi-Wan?” you asked. 

“The guard from last night said you screamed in your sleep,” he murmured, and you sighed, going back to your porridge. 

“Yeah, I do that sometimes,” you grumbled. “What of it?” 

He seemed to hesitate for a long moment, looking over at you with a quiet anxiety behind his eyes. After a few moments, though, he must have decided to just come out and say what he was thinking. 

“You scream in your sleep; I saw you drinking before noon; you constantly have bags under your eyes; you always look sad,” he listed in a quiet tone. “(Y/N)... It’s obvious that you’re not happy. What happened? Why did you choose this life for yourself?” 

“Why do you care?” you lashed out, trying to replace the sadness welling up in you with anger. Anger was familiar; anger hurt less than the sharp pain that stabbed through your heart upon hearing Obi-Wan’s words. 

“I’m not the same innocent girl you once knew,” you growled. “I’ve seen shit; I’ve done shit. And I did for my own reasons. Stop trying to figure out why I’m the way I am, because it’s none of your business, and there is nothing you can do to fix me.” 

Drawing his brows together, he looked over your face with pitying eyes; it made you want to punch something. 

“You’re crying,” he observed, and a hand flew up to your face. Sure enough, for the first time in years, you were crying. Wiping your tears away quickly, you opened your mouth to defend yourself, but footsteps sounded from down the hall, and another Jedi approached Obi-Wan. 

“The council wants to speak with her,” he said, taking out another pair of handcuffs. You almost groaned at the sight of them, but you were stopped when Obi-Wan’s eyes landed back on you, still holding that sad expression. 

Letting out an indignant huff, you stood and straightened your spine, glaring at the both of them as your cell door was opened and the cuffs landed on your wrists, squeezing them almost painfully. 

Wordlessly, you were led through the prison block, and you looked around to see at least six Jedi surrounding you. You only recognized Obi-Wan out of all of them, but you were sure that you’d had to have met them at some point during your early years. 

Rounding a corner, you were greeted with the council’s familiar doors, and you felt a growing dread fill your chest. Rolling your shoulders back, you locked your jaw as they opened from within, and Master Tiin greeted your entourage. 

“You all can wait here; we wish to speak with her alone,” he grumbled, and you started walking in, stepping into a room filled with the people who you hated the most. 

________________

Obi-Wan waited with his five other companions, pondering over what the council was saying and why they’d made you go in alone. You’d been in the room for about two hours now, and he couldn’t help but wonder how you were feeling, what your fate would be. He feared that the council would have you executed for your crimes, but he shook that thought off. No, they would never kill you; you’d once been one of their own. Surely there could be some other way to resolve things. 

Remembering what had transpired earlier in your cell, he once more felt sorrow within him. It was clear that you were miserable with your new life, no matter how cocky you tried to appear. What had happened to you? Who had turned you to the dark side, and what suffering had you encountered along your path up to this point? 

He was startled out of his thoughts when the council room’s doors opened once more, and you came walking out with a dark, stormy expression on your face. He rushed to surround you with the other guards, eyes trained on you as Master Windu spoke. 

“Darth Animus will be escorted back to her cell now,” he ordered, and Kenobi looked up to see the strangest expression in his eyes. Within them, there was no anger or disgust as the council member considered you. Rather, a deep sorrow and regret rested there, and Obi-Wan was puzzled as he started walking you back to the prison wing. There was something going on with you, something not right. 

After your cuffs were removed and your cell door was locked behind you, Obi-Wan leaned back against the wall, looking through the bars of your door to your face as you slowly sank down to sit on the floor. You were uncharacteristically quiet, and he eventually broke the silence. 

“What did the council want to discuss with you?” he asked, and your eyes shot up to see his. 

“Nothing that concerns you, Obi-Wan,” you sighed, letting your head fall back against the wall as you tried to repress the memory of the meeting. You hated the council now more than ever after what they’d said to you, but the meeting with them had truly been the purpose of your mission. Now that it was over, you could focus on escaping and leaving the temple behind for good. 

Looking over at your once-friend, you could tell that Obi-Wan wasn’t satisfied with your answer, but you didn’t care about it in this moment. 

“Are you alright?” he asked cautiously, and you chuckled humorlessly at the question. 

“Oh, Obi-Wan,” you sighed, rubbing your temples. “I haven’t been alright in quite some time.” 

Standing up, you shot him a tired smile, and he was struck by how resigned you seemed to be to the stress and sadness you were now clearly feeling.

“If it’s all the same to you,” you murmured, sinking down onto your cot, “I’m going to sleep for a little while.” 

Turning onto your side so you were facing away from him, you stared at the wall, focusing on breathing deeply and evenly so he’d think you were truly resting. But instead you were slowly, softly letting your tears fall out of your eyes, trying not to think of what your life had become. 

___________

The next day you woke up from a, thankfully, dreamless sleep, and you were in a considerably better mood. Stretching, you looked up to see Obi-Wan leaning against your cell’s bars, turning over a data pad in his hands. 

“Good morning,” you greeted, getting up to stretch your legs. 

“Good morning,” he replied, inclining his head towards you. “How are you feeling today?” 

“Ready to conquer at least a small country,” you replied, going over to eat the tray he had waiting for you today. 

“I…” he hesitated, looking down at you. “I brought you something.” 

“Oh,” you said, surprised to say the least. “What is it?” 

Looking incredibly nervous, he slid the data pad in to you, and you picked it up, almost choking on your bite of oatmeal when you saw what it was. It was the same data pad that had brought the two of you together, the story that started your story with Obi-Wan. 

Looking up at him in surprise, you watched as he flashed you a sheepish smile. 

“I thought that you might like to read it again,” he explained. “Every now and then I’ll go back and skim through it for nostalgia’s sake.” 

Glancing back down at the pad, you clutched it to your chest, feeling a buildup of emotions. 

“Why...are you doing this?” you asked, stunned. “You’re supposed to hate me. I thought… I thought you did hate me.” 

“It’s not the Jedi way to hate,” he responded. “And I wouldn’t hate you if it was.” 

Realization dawned on you, and your eyes met his for a long moment. You didn’t look away as you spoke next. 

“You’re trying to save me,” you breathed. You almost felt sorry for him, and you stood up, leaning towards him. “You think there’s still hope for me, don’t you?” 

“I know there is,” he answered confidently. “I knew you, (Y/N). I know you’re still in there.” 

“You’re setting yourself up for disappointment,” you sighed. “But thank you for the data pad. It carries with it some of my fondest memories.” Smiling softly, you sat it down gently on the ground beside you, starting to eat. Obi-Wan, too, lowered himself to the ground so he could be at your eye-level. 

“So,” you eventually said between bites, “Qui-Gon became your master, then. How do the two of you get along?” 

“Well enough,” he sighed. “We had quite the rocky start, but we’re good friends now.” 

“Why was it rocky?” 

“Well… Qui-Gon had another apprentice before me. Xanatos. He...he fell to the dark side,” Obi-Wan murmured, looking at you with a heavy expression. You forced a smirk to your face.

“I would’ve gotten along with this Xanatos,” you joked. 

“Not if he tried to kill you like he did to Qui-Gon,” he said. “In any case, I was on my way to being flown to Bandomeer, when-”

“What?” you interrupted. “You...you were being sent to the Bandomeer? What the fuck?” One of the many things that you’d despised about the temple was what happened to younglings who weren’t chosen as padawans by 13. They were sent to the Jedi service corps to do physical labor. Bandomeer was a mining colony. 

“No Jedi would take me as their padawan,” he shrugged. “You remember how argumentative and passionate I was.” 

“You stood up for what you believed in. That’s not something to be punished for,” you said, teeth almost gritting together. “That fucking council… I hate them even more now, a feat which I thought to be impossible.” 

Obi-Wan opened his mouth to say something, most likely to defend them, but he just closed it after a few moments with a heavy sigh, figuring that there was nothing he could say to change your mind. 

“In any case, Qui-Gon was on the transport with me; he was making a stop that was on the way,” he continued. “While there, Xanatos tried to kill Master Jinn. I helped Qui-Gon, and so he decided to train me.” 

You sighed, considering the man who spoke to you now. Obi-Wan had always had trouble with feelings of inadequacy, and you could only imagine how much he’d been hurt when no one chose him. You couldn’t believe that the council could have sent away someone so bright, someone with so much potential. 

“They don’t deserve you, Obi-Wan,” you stated. “They really don’t.” 

A faint blush stained his cheeks, and he shook his head. 

“No, that’s not true-”

“It is,” you said firmly. “And you won’t convince me otherwise, so you might as well give that up now.” 

He shook his head and looked down at his hands, a small smile coming to his lips. 

“You always defended me,” he muttered. “And you were always stubborn.” 

A soft fondness replaced your irritation with the council at his words, and you smiled back at him. 

“Well,” you said. “Some things never change.” 

_____________

You waited until it was nighttime to make your escape. In the end, Obi-Wan had helped you once again. Hiding in your cell’s small bathroom, you’d dismantled a part of the data pad that was long and skinny enough to fit into your cell’s lock. Now the only thing that you had to do was incapacitate your guard long enough to break free. 

“Excuse me,” you whispered, stepping towards the door, hiding the data pad and makeshift lockpick in your robe. 

“What is it, Sith?” he questioned, and you leaned towards him with a tiny, flirtatious smile. 

“What’s your name?” you asked softly, trying to make your voice sound as innocent as possible. 

“Why do you want to know that?” 

“I’m curious,” you shrugged. “I used to live here, and I don’t remember someone as handsome as you walking around.” 

A surprised look flitted over his features, but he quickly schooled it into a blank expression once more. 

“You’re a lying Sith,” he grunted. 

“I am a Sith, I’ll give you that. But I’m not lying,” you insisted. 

A few moments of silenced passed, and you waited patiently, letting your compliment sink in before speaking once more. 

“I realize that you’re probably tired, and I really don’t want to bother you,” you said, “but they gave me hardly any food this evening. There wouldn’t be any way for me to get something else to nibble on, would there?” 

Suspicion filled his gaze, and you chuckled humorlessly, letting a sad smile come to your face as you looked down at his boots. 

“Sorry,” you eventually whispered. “I realize that you probably don’t care; you must think that I’m such a monster.” 

“...I don’t think that,” he sighed. “We aren’t trying to starve you.” 

Seeing your opportunity, you shot him a doe-eyed, hopeful look. 

“...The kitchens aren’t too far away,” he eventually said. “I could run and see if they have any leftovers from you. Don’t get any ideas; I’d be gone five minutes, tops.” 

“Oh, thank you so much,” you grinned. “Thank you. I promise I won’t bother you again.” 

“Alright,” he grunted, turning on his heel and starting to walk briskly to the end of the room. 

Sucker. 

You waited until the sound of his footsteps died away before you got out your lockpick and started working. It only took you three minutes to open the door, and you grinned triumphantly when it finally swung open on rusty hinges. They really should have invested in some automatic doors, especially for the cell that was designed for Sith. 

Stepping out, you felt your connection to the force come flowing back to you, and you took a deep breath, closing your eyes and tilting your head back as you once more felt empowered by its strength. 

It was time to escape the temple.


	5. Chapter 5

You kept through the shadows of the temple on silent feet, knowing that there were guards lurking about. You had two minutes, at most, before someone sounded the alarm, and you wanted to get as far as possible before the temple awakened to subdue you once more. 

Slinking down hall after hall, you were only almost to the ship bay when a blood-curdling, piercing, screaming alarm sounded overhead, and you broke out into a run as padawans and Masters started running out of their rooms, rubbing sleep from their eyes and reaching for their sabers. 

Metallic barriers suddenly descended over every window and door to the outside, and you cursed yourself for forgetting about them. Stealing a ship was out of the question now, but you would still be able to sneak into a ventilation chamber and get through the roof, if your memories from growing up in the temple still served you right. 

Crouching down to the grate closest to you, you shimmied in, using the force to propel yourself into it before anyone could spot you. You still had an advantage; after all, no one knew where in the vast temple you were. Crawling silently through the cramped passage, you fought down any claustrophobia that tried to claw its way up your throat. You’d been in tighter spots than this; one time, when you were 14, you’d failed to pull off a specific fighting move while sparing with your Master, and he’d locked you in a crawlspace for two days. 

In this moment, you repeated the mantra you had then, focussing on it instead of the raised voices of the Jedi that were filtering their way to your ears. 

“Soon I will be free of this,” you whispered. “Someday I will be free.” 

After a few minutes, you finally made your way to the roof, and you sprinted across its surface just as a voice sounded from behind you. 

“I thought you’d come this way.” 

Spinning around, you saw Obi-Wan standing there, illuminated by the lights of Coruscant at night. 

“I remember discovering that vent with you when we were little,” he continued, walking towards you slowly, as if approaching a wounded animal. “We would sneak out here at night, telling each other stories and hoping no one would find us.” 

“It’s no use, Obi-Wan,” you sighed. “I’m getting out of here, no matter what you say.” 

“I can’t let you leave,” he murmured gravely. “Why are you so anxious to go back? What Master do you serve, and is your loyalty to him really worth living in darkness?” 

You let out a bitter laugh at that. 

“I have no loyalty for the Sith I serve,” you stated. “And as for why I’m so anxious to leave? This temple, your council, it’s all just a prison. I’ve never been free, especially when I’m here.” Sadness was seeping its way into your voice, and you felt yourself becoming choked up as Obi-Wan now stood close to you, not even an arm’s length away. 

“I wish I could make you understand,” you whispered. “I wish I could just tell you…” 

“Tell me what?” he prompted, bringing a hand up to your cheek. You gasped at the feeling of his warm fingertips against your skin, and you didn’t even try to stop yourself from leaning into his touch, not caring about the tears that were falling onto his hand. “You can tell me, (Y/N). I promise you can.” 

“No,” you insisted, letting your hand come up to hold his against your face. “I can’t.” Looking up, your glittering eyes met his, and you forced a small smile onto your face. 

“One day you’ll know,” you whispered. “One day you’ll understand. But it’s not time for that yet.” 

Turning your head, you pressed a kiss to his palm just as the door behind him slammed open. Jedi started to swarm the roof, and your grip on him tightened as you suddenly spun him around, shoving him away from you as you climbed onto the ledge. 

Not leaving a moment for yourself to become afraid, you leapt off, falling into the traffic of Coruscant's sky below. 

“(Y/N)!” 

The last thing you heard was Obi-Wan’s scream before you landed on a passing speeder. At that you began hopping from ship to ship, getting further and further away from the temple you hated and the boy you still loved. 

_____________

“So you have returned from the Jedi’s temple in one piece. Impressive, I’ll admit.” 

You crossed your arms, watching Darth Maul carefully as he stood before you. He’d been training with his double-bladed saber just before you walked into his cave, and he was still panting. His shirt was off, and though you’d seen him like this before, you couldn’t keep your eyes from trailing over the tattoos that covered his abdomen. You’d find them beautiful, if you didn’t know the cruelty that lay just beneath their surface. 

“Did you learn anything from your little visit with the council?” 

“Master Yorborough has been replaced,” you told him, recalling your meeting with him. “She was not there, and her seat was taken, so I can only assume that she died recently.” 

“The death of a Jedi is always good news,” he considered, starting to pace slowly. “And?” 

“And Master Yoda was there only in hologram, along with Master Windu. They’re off planet right now, which leaves the council vulnerable.”

“Hm.” Looking you over, Maul seemed to ponder something before speaking. “Do you know when they will be back?” 

“Most likely soon, Master. The two of them are never gone for more than a few days.” 

“Perhaps now would be the time for my next mission,” he considered, looking down at the deactivated saber that rested in his palm. 

“A mission, Master?” 

Eyes snapping up to yours, he tilted his head to the side and stalked closer. Squaring your shoulders, you forced yourself to stay firmly in place and meet his stare, until you could feel his breath against your face. 

“I’ve been ordered to kidnap the queen of Naboo,” he muttered, voice so deep that you could feel its vibrations in your chest. “Change is coming, my apprentice. Soon, the Sith will rule the galaxy, and we will no longer have to hide in the shadows.”

Feeling a sense of dread well up in your chest at his words, you took a deep breath, trying to mask it with a confident smirk. 

“How is that going to happen, Master?” 

“You leave that to us. For now, you will stay here until I send for you.” Turning away, he picked up his robe and pulled it over his shoulders. “I will leave tomorrow. Be ready for any transmissions I send you; I might require your assistance if everything does not go according to plan.” 

Swallowing down any protests you had about being left in the dark, you simply nodded and turned away, walking deeper into the cave you’d reluctantly called home for so many years. 

“Yes, Master.” 

____________

Obi-Wan sat the next day on the floor in the middle of what had been your cell, turning over the piece of the data pad you’d used to pick the lock over in his hands. ‘How could I have been so stupid?’ he thought. 

“It’s all my fault,” he whispered, a deep curtain of shame descending down onto him. 

“That’s pretty self-deprecating, don’t you think?” 

Looking up, he saw Qui-Gon leaning in the doorway of the cell, arms crossed as he looked down at his padawan. 

“I gave her the data pad this came from,” he said, holding up the lockpick. “I didn’t stop her like I should have on the roof. She’d still be here if I wasn’t so weak.” 

Sighing, the Jedi Knight slowly lowered himself on the ground in front of Obi-Wan, setting a hand down on the younger man’s shoulder. 

“You did not fight her, no,” he stated. “And you did give her something she used to free herself. But you didn’t do it because you’re weak, Obi-Wan.” 

“I let my feelings distract-”

“You saw the girl you grew up with behind the Sith,” Qui-Gon interrupted. “You saw the good within her and wanted to bring it back to life. You used compassion to try and show her a different way; that took more strength than simply fighting her would have. You didn’t give up on her, even when everyone else had.” 

“And look where it got me,” Obi-Wan grumbled. “Sitting in a cell that she should still be in.” 

“I was on that roof, Obi-Wan. I saw the way she looked at you,” his master insisted. “Those weren’t the eyes of an evil person. She cared for you in a way that a being of darkness couldn’t. Everything is as the force wills it to be, Obi-Wan; it wouldn’t have allowed her to escape if it wasn’t meant to be. You are strong, my padawan, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over this like you are.” 

Sighing, Kenobi finally looked up and managed a smile for his master. 

“Thank you, master.” 

“I’m simply stating the truth,” Qui-Gon smiled. “I am proud of you, and I truly believe that you’re ready to become a knight like me.” 

Surprise lit up Obi-Wan’s features, and he stood up with his master, mind swirling as they exited the cell. 

“You truly think so?” 

“I do. You’re wise and kind, my apprentice, and you will make a good Jedi. You’re already a good man.” 

Smiling at that, Obi-Wan walked in silence away from the prison block, considering whether he was really ready for the trials and wondering about where you were, and if you were thinking of him, too. 

You were.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a warning, the reader gets treated a bit poorly by the end of this chapter, and I don't paint Maul in a very kind light. (I actually really like Maul, but I needed him to behave this way for him to fit well in the story. Please forgive me, any fellow Maul lovers!)

You stood in front of your mirror, pulling a brush through your hair until it crackled with static. Your eyes were, as they had been for so long, a sickening shade of yellow. Sometimes, you were able to convince yourself that they were gold, the color your heart used to be, but there was no denying the sadness and anger that always seemed to dwell beneath the surface. The emotions of a Sith. 

Today was a day of change. The force hung heavy in the air, as if holding its breath in anticipation for what lay in store. Somewhere, deep down, you felt a glimmer of hope; perhaps the truth would come out and you’d finally be free of the prison your life had become. 

‘No,’ you chided yourself internally. ‘That time wouldn’t come until much later on.’ A flashback of men in dark cloaks leading you to a cargo ship flashed across your memory, accompanied by the red and black face of your master the first time he’d seen you, standing in an alleyway littered with corpses. 

All because of that damned council. 

A transmission suddenly sounded from across the room, and your irises shot towards it, away from your reflection. In long strides, you crossed the floor and retrieved your comm unit. 

“My apprentice,” Darth Maul’s voice rang out. “There has been a complication in my mission.” 

You furrowed your eyebrows, looking down at the blue hologram flickering before you. 

“You’ve arrived on Naboo, yes?” you clarified. 

“I have,” he growled. “Only to find out Queen Amidala has been spirited away by two Jedi.” Your interest was piqued at the mention of this; you already had a feeling of who one of those Jedi were. You hadn’t seen him in a month, but your heart still pounded at the thought of Obi-Wan Kenobi. 

“They’re on their way to Coruscant,” Maul continued, “But they don’t have enough fuel to make it that far. My guess is that they’ll stop on Tatooine for at least a day. You’re closer to that sandtrap than I am.” 

“You want me to go after them?” you asked, careful to keep your excitement hidden. 

“I do,” he nodded. “Leave at once and do whatever you can to stall them there.” 

“Yes, Master,” you bowed, finally letting your smile spread across your face as he ended the call. You didn’t take too long to bask in the knowledge that you’d see your beloved for long, though. 

You had to get to Tatooine. 

___________

You’d never enjoyed Tatooine. 

It was, as your Master had stated, a sandtrap with little redeeming qualities. Sure, the twin suns were pretty, but they scorched the land until it was nothing more than heat waves and desolation. 

You rode your hoverbike over yet another sand dune, eyes on the lookout for the chrome ship the Jedi had landed in hours before. Before reaching the planet, you’d known that there was a chance that your feeling could be wrong, that Obi-Wan wasn’t amongst the party from Naboo. But now, as you sensed a force-sensitive presence growing ever nearer, you had no doubt. His presence was comparable to a scent that carried with it memories of peace and happiness, so distinct that you knew before you saw him that it was his form making its way over a dune in front of you. He must have sensed you, too, and decided to come out to meet you. 

Smart. Keeping the Sith away from the ship with a queen on board. 

At the foot of the sand hill, you turned off your bike and dismounted it, starting to trek upwards to meet Obi-Wan at the top. Surprisingly, he held no saber in his hands, and his eyes held no confrontation within their blue depths. 

“Well,” you greeted. “We’re taking a diplomatic approach this go around?” 

“Hello, (Y/N),” he said simply in response, eyes squinting in the sunlight as they glanced over your form. A moment of silence stretched between you two, and you shifted on your feet, not sure what to do. You’d expected him to try and challenge you, and yet here he stood, relatively at ease. 

“What brings you here?” you finally questioned, and a small smirk played across his features. 

“Something tells me you already know that,” he stated. “What I don’t understand is why you’re interested in Queen Amidala. Are the Sith allied with the Trade Federation now?” 

You bit your lip, cursing the intelligence within him you’d so often admired. 

“I’m not at liberty to say,” you finally sighed, eliciting a humorless laugh from him. 

“Of course you’re not,” he grumbled, turning to look out over the vast expanse visible from your place on the dune. “You haven’t told me anything about yourself since you just disappeared at age eight. Why would I get answers now?” 

Looking down at your feet, you stood there for a long while, listening to your robes flap in the wind. Glancing back up to Kenobi, you watched as his padawan braid blew in the wind, brushing his shoulder as his eyes scanned the horizon. 

Eventually, you sat down on the sand, deciding that, if you weren’t to fight, you might as well take a moment to relax. He followed suit, sitting beside you so close that your shoulders would touch if you leaned just an inch to your left. 

“Did the council ever tell you anything after I left?” you murmured finally. His eyes flicked to you before looking forward once more. 

“That day…” He trailed off, taking a deep breath before continuing. “That day was the second worst of my life. I went to your room to find you gone, and… Well. I waited in the library for you, in the spot where we’d usually meet. You never came, so I started asking around. I started to panic a little after noon when I realized no one had seen you.

“Eventually,” he continued on, his voice strained as he recalled those events from long ago, “I ran into Mace Windu and asked him. He just looked at me for a long moment before saying that Shaak Ti had taken you on as a padawan and escorted you to Corellia to train.” 

You huffed a laugh, side-eying him. So that’s what those liars had said. You’d always wondered how they’d explained your sudden absence. Obi-Wan’s face turned to yours upon hearing the laugh, and he arched an eyebrow as he spoke next. 

“Is that not true?” 

“Well,” you started, “Master Ti did escort me off planet, yes, but never as her padawan.” The very idea made you laugh once more, but you quieted down once the man beside you interrupted your mirth. 

“I’m sorry, is this funny to you?” he bit out, surprising you with the anger in his tone. “When Master Windu told me that you’d left without saying goodbye, I fled to the darkest corner in the temple I could find and cried until the next morning. And then, a year later when it was announced that you’d died in a tragic accident, I literally went into shock. I woke up in the medical ward after having blacked out for half a day. That, in case you were wondering, was the overall worst day of my life.” 

Any amusement within you died off upon hearing this. A deep sadness welled up within you, and your voice was almost imperceptible as you responded to him. 

“Obi-Wan, I didn’t know-”

“And for the next year afterwards, I tried to grieve in silence because I still hadn’t been taken on as a padawan. But anyone could see that I’d formed an attachment to you. I was violent and passionate, and I lashed out at anyone who tried to help me. So you can blame the council for almost sending me to Bandomeer, but it all came back to you leaving to join the Dark Side.”

“It wasn’t that simple,” you whispered, drawing your knees up to your chest. His tone had gotten more and more intense as he spoke until he was almost yelling at you, and at this point, tears had started to well up in your eyes as you realized you’d almost destroyed Obi-Wan’s life, even all those years ago. 

“I’m sorry,” you breathed, resting your forehead on your knees. “I’m so, so sorry, I didn’t know…” 

Looking down at you, Obi-Wan calmed himself, releasing his anger to the force as it was replaced with sadness at how broken you looked in that moment. There you sat, a powerful Sith, crumpling before him with tears tracking down your cheeks. Regretting becoming upset with you immediately, he tentatively reached out, setting a warm hand on your shoulder.

That small contact was enough to send chills down your spine, and you quickly straightened up at the unexpected sensation, jostling his hand off you by accident. He awkwardly set it back in his lap, thinking you were pushing him away, but you quickly reached forward and took it, placing it back on your shoulder. 

“No,” you said quickly. “It’s just… I haven’t been touched in a...a good way in...in a long time.” 

The look of pity that overtook his features was enough to make your heart feel like it was being crumpled up into a tiny ball, and he slowly wrapped an arm around you. You held your breath, wondering if you were dreaming or if Obi-Wan was really there, holding you against his side. Moving at a snail’s pace, you wrapped an arm around his torso until you found yourself clinging to him, clutching at his robe with both hands, fearing more than anything that he would let you go too soon. 

You didn’t know how long you two rested there like that, but you were the first to break the silence, speaking against his shoulder. 

“I wish I could tell you everything,” you murmured. You felt him take a deep breath, no doubt about to tell you that you already could, so you quickly spoke again before he could ask. “I can’t tell you. I know that it’s not fair, but… If you can still find it within yourself to trust me, even if it’s just a little bit, please trust that you’ll know one day. You might hate me once you know, but...you’ll know. I just hope you can understand.” 

“I won’t ever hate you, (Y/N),” he murmured. “I truly couldn’t.” Looking up, you found his eyes trained on yours, and you were taken aback by how beautiful they were. Even as a little girl you’d loved them, finding them more gorgeous than the purest blue kyber crystal there was. 

Bringing one hand up, you let your palm rest against his smooth cheek, smiling softly as he leaned into your touch. 

“You’d look good with a beard,” you suddenly realized, and a smile of his own came over his features, causing your stomach to flip at how handsome he was. 

“Oh, really, now?” he asked. “I might have to try that, once I’m knighted. ...My trials are coming up soon.” 

Your eyebrows raised at this, and your smile widened. 

“I’m so proud of you, Obi-Wan,” you stated, and you didn’t know it, but his heart swelled upon hearing you say those words. 

“I thought you hated the Jedi?” 

“I do,” you nodded. “But not you. If you’re one of them, then...then maybe there’s hope for them yet. I know the galaxy is a better place for having you in it.” 

A strange look passed over his features, and he suddenly leaned forward, his breath hitting your parted lips as he whispered in an earnest tone. 

“Come back, (Y/N),” he implored. “I know you’d never return to the Order, but… You could come back to Coruscant, leave behind this life I know you don’t love. Close enough for me to see you and visit and-”

“Please, Obi-Wan,” you asked, feeling fresh tears forming from how much you wanted to do exactly what he was speaking of. “Don’t ruin this moment by asking me to do something I can’t.” 

A solemn expression settled onto his face, but he nodded, giving in to your wishes. 

“How do I salvage this moment, then?” he stated, but you both already knew the answer even before you said it. 

“Kiss me.” 

Heaving a heavy sigh, his fingers came up to hold your jaw gently as he leaned forward, pressing his lips to yours in a soft kiss that, despite its innocence, left you both breathless. His skin felt like rose petals as your breaths mixed, and you both could have easily sat like that for hours without feeling any time at all pass. 

When the kiss finally did break, it was you who ended it. You wished to freeze the universe so you could stay there with Obi-Wan forever, but you were beginning to sense a dark, foreboding presence that you’d lived with for most of your life. Turning back towards the ship Obi-Wan had arrived in, you saw the form of Qui-Gon Jinn running towards the ship, a smaller, childlike figure sprinting with him. But it wasn’t those two people who had you standing up in fear. 

There, in the distance, was a bike similar to the one you’d ridden to that dune, and atop it was your Master. You knew this even though your eyes couldn’t see his distinct red and black skin from that distance; his was a force-signature that stained the air like an inkblot, and you turned to Obi-Wan as he pulled himself to his feet. 

“You need to go,” you said. Confusion flitted over his countenance, but you didn’t give him time to process what you were saying before pushing him towards the ship. “That’s my master chasing Qui-Gon; go help him or he won’t hesitate to kill Master Jinn. Go!” 

He needed no more coaxing before using the force to propel himself towards the ship just as you propelled yourself back to the bike, hoping Maul hadn’t seen you two kissing somehow despite his distance from you. Assuming that he hadn’t you mounted your bike and speeded up the hill, making it appear to everyone else that you were chasing Kenobi. 

In the end, though, neither you nor your master caught your targets in time, and it wasn’t long until Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and the mysterious child were speeding off into the atmosphere. You were relieved, even though you could feel the anger radiating off of Maul. 

“I commanded you to keep them here!” he roared, charging towards you. Knowing you were about to be punished, you dropped to your knees as you’d learned to do over the years of being his learner. 

Even though you braced yourself, though, your breath still came rushing out of your lungs as his foot connected with your ribs, and you cried out as the back of his hand came cracking down on your cheek. Heaving heavy pants in and out of his nose, he loomed over you, surveying you with narrowed eyes. 

“Explain why you failed,” he ordered, his voice a bit calmer than before. 

“My ship suffered a malfunction in its engines, Master,” you lied in an even tone. “And they were cloaked exceptionally well. I accept full responsibility, though, for my failure.” 

You expected to feel him strike you once again, but he simply nodded and stepped back, offering you a hand to help you up. Suspicious of his sudden change in heart, you took it and slowly rose to your feet. 

“It is of little consequence,” he muttered. “Although I do wish I’d been able to get my hands on that boy... all will still go according to plan.” 

“The boy, Master?” you questioned, backing away to put some distance between you and him. He nodded, straightening his robes and turning to you with something actually akin to a smile on his lips. 

“The time is growing ever nearer, my apprentice,” he said. “That boy is more strong in the force than you and me combined; he will be a key in destroying the Jedi. I’m sure of it.” 

You dreaded the meaning behind his words, but you hid it well and bowed to him once more before asking him one final question. 

“So what happens next?” 

His only answer was a wide and wicked grin.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS this is a long one, and it's an important one. Not a lot of interaction with Obi-Wan here, but please read! This chapter is crucial to the plot moving forward, and you guys won't want to miss it, I promise!!! As always, PLEASE leave me a comment telling me what you think! Your comments make my day, and I would love more feedback on how y'all are liking this story. 
> 
> As always, thank you and enjoy!

Your master explained the whole plan to you in excruciating detail as the two of you flew back to Naboo in his ship. First, the Trade Federation would lead an attack on the unprepared Naboo, resulting in a slaughter of the Naboo and Gungans alike. Then, his master would give further instruction in how to act. 

“Master, if I may ask, why is Darth Sidious doing this? More importantly, how? Does he really have that much power over the politics of the galaxy that he can-”

“Firstly, my apprentice,” Maul interrupted, “No you may not ask. It’s not your place to question his motives. Or his power. Just know that he can and will lead the galaxy into war. Our time is here, Animus. Learn to trust the dark side. All will be explained in time.” 

You huffed, seeing the irony in that statement. Those were the words that had given you so much hope over your years of being trained as a Sith, and yet on the lips of your Master, you found no comfort in them. Because, indeed, it seemed as if Sidious, whoever he was, was leading the Republic into war with the Trade Federation. Who could he be, that this war would be beneficial to him? More importantly, would he succeed in carrying out his plans? 

Maul had been in a strangely pleasant mood, as pleasant as a man such as himself could feel. That meant, you were sure, that he had full confidence in his master. And you had to admit that it was a plan that would be likely to succeed. 

In the time it took the two of you to get to Naboo, you trained and meditated and thought of the kiss you’d shared with Obi-Wan. It was the most pleasant thing you’d felt in years. Yes, you’d sought out the company of others in the past, before your childhood friend had come back into your life. You’d met them in bars and spent a few blissful hours relieved from the pain your life had a tendency to bring. But this kiss brought you ecstasy that none of your former lovers had been able to bring. And you’d catch yourself smiling randomly as thoughts of Obi-Wan hit you. 

Luckily, Maul chalked all of these up to your excitement for the upcoming battle. In what seemed to be no time, you were following your Master off of your ship, into the courtyard of Naboo’s capital. Upon arriving, though, you were met with gunfire, both from the Federation’s droid army and the Naboo. Apparently, the attack wasn’t a surprise as the Trade Federation had hoped it would be. A part of you that you kept secret was rooting for the Naboo; your life was already a battle without adding an actual war into the mix. 

“I sense that the queen is here,” Maul growled, bringing your attention back to him. “And those Jedi. And…” He cocked his head to the side, feeling outwards within the force. “The child is here. The boy from Tatooine.” 

“Shall I help you with the Jedi?” you asked, praying that he’d say yes. Your heart gave out a pang of fear when you thought of him fighting Obi-Wan. You wanted to be there, so you could protect your love, but your hopes were dashed when he shook his head. 

“No. Go find the boy and bring him to our ship,” he commanded. “I sense that he is in the hangar bay.” 

Suppressing a sigh, you nodded and headed that way, sending your wishes to the force. ‘Please,’ you begged it, ‘Don’t take Obi-Wan away from me.’

___________

You made your way into the hangar, ducking behind ships and cloaking yourself within the force, undetectable by even force-sensitives. The boy was hard to miss, sitting alone and dejected in a yellow ship with only a blue and silver droid to keep him company. 

Upon seeing him, you realized that, vaguely, he looked like Obi-Wan had at that age, when you’d first met him. You were also reminded of yourself, of how a Sith had also taken an interest in you when you were too young to realize the horrors the Dark Side held. A wave of compassion overtook you as you studied him, along with a sense of protectiveness. You wouldn’t see him meet the same fate as you had. 

“Psst!” you called out, getting his attention. Looking over, he saw you standing there hunched by a ship, beckoning him over. Curiosity peaked, he cautiously made his way out of his seat, jogging up to you. Grabbing his shoulders, you pulled him out of sight and kneeled in front of him, looking earnestly into his blue eyes. 

“What is your name?” you asked quietly. 

“Anakin,” he responded, eyebrows knit together as he took you in. “Who are you? Why are your eyes yellow? Are you one of Qui-Gon’s friends?” Looking down, he saw the lightsaber clipped to your belt, and his eyes lit up in recognition. “You’re another Jedi!” 

“No,” you sighed sadly, shaking your head. “No, I’m no Jedi, and I’m afraid Master Jinn would consider me to be the opposite of a friend.” 

Confused, the boy took a step back, but you held his shoulders in place once more. 

“Listen, Anakin… There is a lot to explain and not enough time. But just know that you are in danger. There are people in this galaxy that want to use you to hurt others, and the only way to protect yourself from them, as much as I hate to admit it, is to stay with the Jedi, ok? Listen to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, and always do as they say. Can you promise me you’ll do that?” 

For a moment, the boy looked you over, and you were struck by an intelligence that rested in his eyes. He’d seen more than the average child had; yes, you knew in that one moment that he was special, that he’d experienced evil and hardship. And yet he still stood here, optimism also dwelling beneath his surface. He considered your words, turned them over in his head, and eventually nodded slowly with a solemnity that no child should have. 

“Ok,” he decided. “I promise. What’s your name?” 

“It’s Anim-” 

You stopped, your Sith title resting on the tip of your tongue. Heaving a sigh as you looked into those eyes, blue like Obi-Wan’s, you spoke again, softer. 

“I’m (Y/N),” you murmured. “Now. Get back in your ship. And Anakin? If a man with red and black skin comes looking for you, run. Run as far as you can and don’t stop until Qui-Gon or another Jedi can protect you. Do you understand?” 

“I understand, (Y/N),” he nodded. He turned and started sauntering back to his former seat, but you stopped him once more. 

“Do me one more favor and keep this a secret?” you called out, and he waved over his shoulder. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said slyly, and you grinned. A strange child, indeed. You liked him. 

Turning back to the hangar, you took off, sensing your Master on another level. He was getting ready to fight; you could feel his adrenaline and anger thrumming through the force, and it set your teeth on edge. He was about to fight Obi-Wan, and you had a bad feeling about it. 

_____________

You heard the sounds of sabers crashing together long before you saw the three fighting. Rounding corner after corner, you fought down the anxiety welling up within you as you feared the worst, picturing Maul ending Obi-Wan’s life in various different ways. You let out a breath of relief when, finally, you came upon them and saw your love was unharmed. 

In fact, he was snared between two walls of unbreachable electricity, leaving Qui-Gon and Maul alone, twirling around each other and dodging the other’s attacks. As of yet, you were unseen by the three men, which was good, considering that you were suddenly hit with a vision through the force. 

Feeling your whole body shudder, you dropped to your knees as the image of Qui-Gon getting impaled filled your head, followed by a scream coming from Obi-Wan that shook you to your core. He rushed out as the wall in front of him disappeared, charging at Maul with lightsaber held high over his head, ready to strike… More disturbing than that, however, was the look within Obi-Wan’s eyes. You’d seen that look before in your own, one that contained a thirst for revenge that came from the darkest corners of one’s soul. 

A sign of the dark side. 

Coming to once again, you scrambled to pick yourself off the ground. Eyes snapping back to the two fighting, you realised with increasing panic that it was about to happen, you were about to watch your love, your pure, honest, good Obi-Wan, come so very close to falling to the hell you’d been trapped in since you were a child… 

No. The word tore itself from your mind, filling you with an unbreakable resolution. You would not let this happen. But if you turned against your Master, then Obi-Wan would know something was off. He wouldn’t rest until he found out your secret, the one that only you and that despicable council knew. He’d know how you’d become a Sith, why you’d remained one for so long, and how the council had driven you to turning to the dark side. He’d know, and he would never forgive you. 

Reaching a hand out, you closed your eyes and focused on the force, getting ready to attempt something you’d never even been able to master in your training - an old Sith trick that would take up most of your strength. Focusing on Obi-Wan’s presence within the force, you gathered yourself, centered yourself, forced your body to stay absolutely still as you pictured his consciousness as a candle, burning brightly in the darkness. 

And then you snuffed it out. 

Opening your eyes, you watched as his eyes drooped shut and his body collapsed limply to the ground, unconscious for at least the next five minutes. You’d done it. But with the exhilaration of success came the exhaustion of exerting yourself in such a way. And you still had to save Qui-Gon. 

Lurching forward, you forced your feet into a sprint as you saw your Master draw his arms back into a killing strike, the one you’d just seen end Master Jinn’s life. 

“No!” you shrieked, drawing both of their eyes to you. 

“Animus!” Maul growled, baring his grey teeth at you. “What are you-!”

But his last words were cut off along with his head. Pushing Qui-Gon aside, you swung your saber in an elaborate move that your stunned Master had never seen coming, and his blood sprayed your face and your arms as you decapitated him. You watched his body lurch to the side, falling into the cavern to his left as his head rolled backwards, a look of shock still contorting his features as it came to a rest by the wall. 

Catching your breath, you stumbled away from the pit, a hand coming to cover your mouth as you realized you could taste his blood. Powering your saber off, you leaned against the wall behind you, shaking from the weight of what you’d just done. Qui-Gon was watching you with astonishment, but you hardly registered that as you stared into the open eyes of Maul’s head, yellow and red irises screaming betrayal at you. The man who had trained you, beaten you, tortured you for so long...just gone in a blink of an eye and the swing of a sword.

“...(Y/N)?” a deep, soothing voice said, but you didn’t respond, slowly sinking down until you were sitting, sobs starting to rack your form and tears starting to trek down your face. 

“(Y/N),” it repeated, and you finally looked up to see Master Jinn kneeling over you. “You...you saved me.” 

You gulped and nodded, looking down at your hands and forcing yourself to take deep, even breaths. Closing your eyes, you mentally counted in measures of 5-7-5 as you calmed down. 

After at least a whole minute, you finally looked up to see his eyes scanning yours, a sea of questions resting within them. 

“Why?” he whispered, voicing the biggest question of them all. “He was your master.” 

Licking your chapped lips, you straightened up, slowly drawing yourself to your feet. He did the same, towering over you as you clipped your saber back onto your belt. 

“You really want to know?” you asked, your voice void of emotion. In the wake of something so huge, you were left feeling dead on the inside, stunned and weak from your use of the force and your mental breakdown. 

“It would have made him sad if you died,” you answered, jerking your head towards Obi-Wan’s still-sleeping body. Turning to his padawan, Jinn gave a start at seeing his unconscious form, taking a concerned step towards him. 

“He’s alive,” you stated quickly. “Just sleeping. I didn’t want him to see that.” 

“Why?” Qui-Gon asked again. “He’s been saying there’s good in you this whole time. Why not let him see that he’s right?” 

“Master Jinn,” you sighed, stepping towards him, some steel coming back into your gaze. “I just saved you from certain doom. On Naboo, that means that you owe me a life debt. I realize that neither of us are natives, so neither of us should really observe such an arrangement, but I think both of us know that you are indebted to me. All I ask…” You sighed, closing your eyes for a moment before speaking again, letting your yellow eyes pierce his blue ones. “All I ask is that you don’t tell him what I did. Lie. Tell him that you’re the one that killed Maul, and don’t tell him that I was here. He can’t know.” 

“But that doesn’t make any sense-” 

“You want it to make sense?” you interrupted, voice raised. “Then go to your damn council and tell them what happened. I’m sure they can make everything clear, if they’re willing to admit to their transgressions against me. But do not tell Obi-Wan about what happened here.” 

For a long moment, Qui-Gon watched you, much like Anakin had only minutes beforehand. And he must have found the same thing that boy had inside of your eyes, because he, too, nodded, taking a step back and bowing to you. 

“I give you my word that I won’t tell my padawan about this,” he murmured. “Although, I warn you, he’s quite persistent. Especially when it comes to you.” 

A small smile came to your face at that, and you nodded, turning towards the way you came. Before you could leave, however, the Jedi spoke to you once more. 

“You truly do love him, don’t you?” 

Stopping in your tracks, you turned back to him. 

“With all that’s left of my heart.” 

Turning around once more, you made your way to your ship, all the while wondering what would come next.


	8. Chapter 8

A year passed. For the first few months, you were left floundering, waiting in the dark cave you’d shared with the man who was now dead. And then, you’d received a message. 

You’d been lying diagonally across your mattress, a bottle of wine resting in your hand as you watched the ceiling above you, mind dwelling on the usual - your sorry excuse of a life, what was going to happen to you, Obi-Wan... Most of all you thought of him, wondering if he was thinking of you, if he’d gone through his trials yet and, if so, how he’d done. That was when your comm unit beeped. 

No one in the galaxy other than your former master knew how to contact you, so it was with shock and bated breath that you accepted the transmission. There, wavering in a bluish glow, stood a figure draped in a long, black cloak. You didn’t need to ask his name; you knew without question that it was Darth Sidious. 

Rolling off of your bed and dropping to your knees quickly, you spoke with a trembling voice. 

“D-darth Sidious. It is an honor-”

“Spare me the formalities,” he bit out, voice low and croaking. “Listen to me, and listen well, young one. 

“You were trained by my apprentice, Darth Maul, from the age of 9, correct?” 

“Yes, sir,” you nodded. 

“He taught you everything he knew?” 

“Yes.” 

“Then WHY,” he bellowed, “did you fail to capture the boy on Naboo? And why is Maul now dead at the hands of a pair of weak Jedi scum?” 

“Th-th-the boy was in a ship, sire,” you whimpered, feeling the most fear you’d ever experienced. Your body was shaking as your mind flashed with images of this powerful Sith striking you down, finding you and ending you. “He was on his way out of the atmosphere by the time I got to him. And my master died before I could aid him in fighting the-”

“Enough,” he intoned, holding up a withered hand. “I care not for your pitiful excuses. Normally, I would take you on as my apprentice, but someone so weak does not deserve my attentions. Therefor, you will train under my new student, Darth Tyranus, effective immediately. Pack what little belongings you’ll need and come to Neimoidia, where he will find you to continue your training.

“Do not disappoint me again, Animus,” he growled, “Or I will not be so kind.” 

With that he ended the transmission, and an overwhelming crush of emotions washed over you. Anger, helplessness, self-hatred… But above all else, you were tired. Tired of everything being so hard. You raised the wine bottle you still clutched in your hand, as if to throw at your comm unit, but you paused before you could send it crashing down. Deciding against it, you just sighed and gulped down a large amount, crawling back onto your bed. 

You would head to Neimoidia first thing in the morning. For now, you would get very very drunk. And then sleep. 

_________________

Your new master was...different. Much different from what you were used to. 

“My name is Darth Tyranus,” he’d said as you were escorted into his study. No greeting, no nod, not even a glance up from the data pad he was studying. “I am to be your new master. Ridiculous, considering the fact that the Rule of Two exists for a reason and has been upholded by the Sith heretofore for centuries. Anyways.” 

He’d stood up at that point and regarded her with a thunderous expression. 

“I have seen you fight,” he stated. “You’re capable enough not to need my instruction. So we won’t waste time on that. Are you ready for your first assignment now?” 

You’d blinked a few times in surprise, but eventually a small smile had found its way to your face. You had to admit, you already preferred him to Darth Maul. 

“I’m ready. Master.” 

And so the months passed with you keeping to the shadows, carrying out his bidding in small missions. Manipulate a politician to do this, keep a senator from voting on that. You were keeping yourself busy, getting lost in the missions. 

Until, that is, until your one such mission brought you to Ilum. 

It had been a complete accident, landing on the planet. Your shuttle had gotten damaged in an asteroid field, and rather than risk the long journey back to Neimoidia, you decided to land on the first planet you came across and call your master, who you later found out was Count Dooku as well as Darth Tyranus, for another ship to come get you. 

Of course, that planet turned out to be one held sacred by the Jedi Order. Of course. It was just your luck. 

Landing your dilapidated ship on its icy surface, you sent your transmission and sat back in the pilot’s seat, waiting for a response. Thankfully, it came after just a few minutes, your new master’s exasperated face flickering on the screen. 

“Ilum?” he growled, as always not greeting you in any way. “Of all the places to land and wait for backup, you just had to choose a Jedi Order holy site?” 

“Believe me, master, Korriban would have been preferable, but alas,” you snarked, watching him roll his eyes at that. 

“It will take a day for my ship to reach you,” he continued. “While you’re there, you might as well make yourself useful. I have word that a Jedi and his padawan are landing on Ilum as we speak, not too far from you. To keep yourself busy, you could spy on them. Find out anything you can about what the Jedi are up to these days. But do not engage them; the Sith have made enough of a stir as it is.” 

“Of course, Lord Tyranus,” you stated, bowing your head. “I’ll do as you wish.” 

Nodding once, he ended the transmission, and you stood from your seat, making your way through the small vessel you’d been piloting for so long. Making your way to the tiny bedroom within it, you took out a set of heavy clothes designed for cold temperatures. Loading your body with thick furs and a cloak that was already making you sweat, you made sure your lightsaber was easily accessible through the layers just in case before making your way out onto the frosty planet below. 

Ilum was the place where Jedi went to acquire Kyber crystals, the stones with which they built their lightsabers. Just below the icy surface, the planet was packed with them, clear gems that were attuned to the force; you’d travelled there yourself as a youngling, right before the council had betrayed you. Master Ti had brought you there before heading to Corellia, telling you to reach out, feel the crystals, find the one that connected with your heart. What a shock it had been when two had floated into your open palm. A sign even then that there was something else, something dark, resting beneath your surface. 

Shaking the memory from your head, you began trudging through the snow towards the distant shape of a ship, the sound of its engines faintly travelling to your ears. They really had just landed. Curious as to which Jedi it was you were about to encounter, wondering if you’d recognize them, you crouched behind a large outcropping of icy rock as you got close, hearing the hiss of the entry ramp as it lowered. 

First, it was a child who came out of the ship, bounding down the ramp with an enthusiasm that only a padawan about to make his first lightsaber would have. The boy had sandy hair and a wide grin, and you squinted in the snow, wondering if it could be… 

“Anakin,” a familiar, accented voice chided. “Wait for me. And for force’ sake, put on a coat.” 

The breath in your throat caught as none other than Obi-Wan Kenobi started down the ramp, and you were struck by his appearance immediately. His padawan braid was nowhere to be seen, and was that...yes, he’d started growing a beard, just as you’d suggested. A wide, girlish grin split your lips as you watched him cross his arms and look down at the boy you’d met on Naboo. 

“I’m not cold!” the child insisted. “I grew up on a desert world; that means my blood is warmer than yours.” 

“I’m afraid that’s not how it works, my young padawan.” 

What? So he’d already taken on an apprentice? That was almost unheard of. And it was equally strange of the council to allow someone as old as Anakin to begin training in the temple. How unorthodox. 

Your eyes snapped back to the two figures as Obi-Wan kneeled down and helped his young companion into a coat about two sizes too big for the boy. 

“I can barely move my arms in this!”

“Well frostbite would leave you equally immobile, with longer-lasting consequences,” his master replied back, and you almost laughed at the easy banter the two had. 

Suddenly, though, Obi-Wan froze, his face turning away from his apprentice to scan the landscape around them. Eyebrows furrowing, Anakin followed suit, looking around for whatever had alerted his master. 

“What is it, Obi-Wan?” 

“I’m not sure, Anakin,” the older man said. “I thought I heard something. No matter. Come, I’ll lead you to the very cave where I myself found my first Kyber crystal.” 

With that, the two of them started walking towards one of the only hills on the landscape, into an ornately carved door in its surface. Trying to keep your footfalls silent and keeping to the shadows, you followed them, feeling your heart give out a pang of nostalgia as you followed them down those hallowed halls. 

“Now,” Obi-Wan finally said, stopping at the beginning of a dark set of stairs descending downwards, “this is something you must do alone, Anakin. I can’t join you.” 

“But Master-”

The boy’s protest fell away when his teacher kneeled down in front of him, looking at him directly in the eyes. 

“I know it’s dark,” he stated. “I remember how scared I was when I did this for the first time. But, my padawan, there is nothing down there but rocks and the force. The force is always with you, and so long as you have it, you’ll be safe. Now, take heart and go into the cave; your path will be lit, and you’ll know what to do once you feel the crystals calling out to you.”  
“Alright,” Anakin stated, still obviously pensive but also resigned to what he had to do. Taking a deep breath, he headed down the stairs slowly, and you watched from a distance as he disappeared into the tunnel below. 

“You can come out now.” 

Obi-Wan’s voice rang out in the empty hall, and you were confused about whether he meant you or the padawan that had just descended into the cavern. 

“(Y/N), I recognize your force-signature. Surely you’re aware of that by now,” he continued. 

Gulping, you crept out of your hiding place, a familiar sensation of butterflies filling every cavity in your body welling up upon meeting those blue eyes. 

“Hello, old friend,” he greeted, smiling softly. “It’s been far too long.” 

With that, something within you broke (you thought it might be your will power), and you ran the extra steps separating you, flying into his arms and almost sobbing with relief and happiness as he held you to his chest. 

“So much has changed,” you murmured, feeling his warmth against your cheek. “But this feeling hasn’t.” 

“No,” he sighed, a hand coming up to stroke your hair, fingernails lightly grazing your scalp. “The feeling hasn’t changed one bit.” 

Pulling away, you looked up at him, let your palm rest against the new beard growing from his cheek. 

“You took my advice,” you smiled, “And that dreadful padawan haircut is nowhere in sight.” 

He laughed, a sound so bright to your ears that you were sure the air around you was lighter, golden, even. 

“I’m Knight Kenobi now,” he replied. “I passed my trials.” 

“And you have a padawan already,” you observed, surprised when his smile faltered a bit. 

“Indeed I do,” he said, still holding you against him but looking down into the stairwell. “The council decided for once to listen to Qui-Gon and let the boy be trained.” 

“But by you? Why not Qui-Gon, if it was his idea in the first place?” 

“They thought him too emotionally attached to the subject,” he murmured. “And so now I’m training him. And… (Y/N), I have no idea what I’m doing.” 

You were confused upon hearing this. Your Obi-Wan, so smart, so dedicated, not knowing what to do? It was like finding a crack in a sword that had stricken down countless foes; how could there be a weakness within something so strong? 

“You two seem to be getting along well,” you stated tentatively, and he shrugged, eyes going back to yours. 

“The boy and I are becoming closer, yes,” he admitted, “But… I’m supposed to be a father, a friend, and a teacher to him. All at once. I barely know how to be a knight as it is.” 

“The council…” You paused, thinking over your words. “I hate the council.” 

“I am very well aware of that.” 

“But they wouldn’t have done this if they didn’t have the utmost faith in you,” you continued. “And I can feel the force, Obi-Wan. It seems happy when it’s around the two of you. Like it’s content with the fact you’re together.” 

Your love’s eyes softened, and he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead upon hearing those words. 

“Thank you,” he murmured, finally letting you go out of his embrace. He didn’t step away, however, and you still kept a grip on the front of his robes as he spoke. 

“It means more than you know to hear you say that. Though I don’t know how good of an example I can be to the boy, what with my secret attachment to a girl I grew up with. Who is a Sith, no less.” 

“Well…” You grinned mischievously up at him. “Seduction to the Dark Side is a very real thing. I might just be irresistible.” 

“No doubt of it,” he chuckled, but then his face fell, confusion lurking in his eyes. “I felt your presence on Naboo.” 

Icey fear sank into your chest; surely he hadn’t seen what you’d done. Surely Qui-Gon hadn’t told him. 

“Oh?” you asked, feigning innocence. “I haven’t been to Naboo recently.” 

“Don’t,” he simply said. “While you are, for the most part, a mystery, I know what I felt. Right before I blacked out and before your master was killed. I felt you. And I’ve been researching techniques of the Sith, and lo and behold, I stumbled across an ancient skill that has the power to put powerful people, even Jedi, to sleep for a short while.” 

“Maul must have used it on you,” you shrugged. “I do remember him trying to teach me how to do that.” 

“Or it wasn’t him at all, but his apprentice,” he replied back quickly. “He seemed pretty occupied with the fight.” 

“I wasn’t there, Obi-Wan,” you sighed. “If I had been, I would have been obligated to assist my master and kill Qui-Gon for taking his life.” 

“You’re obligated to kill me right now, and yet you’re not.” 

You heaved a heavy sigh and looked down, fiddling with the gloves on your fingers. 

“You already know I could never kill you,” you said. “And you already know that I can’t explain myself. Not yet.” 

A conflicted look crossed his features, and he looked like he as about to say something, but you interrupted him before he could ask anymore questions. 

“Six months,” you stated. “I’m about to be sent on a mission, and I’ll be gone for six months, but after that I’ll come to Coruscant. We’ll meet in the library, the one a few blocks away from the Senate building. I’ll answer some of your questions then, I promise.” 

A long moment of silence passed, but finally he nodded, a resigned tiredness in his eyes. 

“Alright,” he conceded. “It’s one of the worst ideas I’ve ever agreed to, but alright. It’s a date.” 

You grinned at his choice of words, and you took one of his hands between both of yours, looking up at him with sincere gratitude and affection. 

“Thank you, Obi-Wan,” you said.

“Yes, yes,” he murmured. “You’re welcome. Now, my young apprentice could be heading up at any moment, so…”

“Ah, yes, wouldn’t want him to see you fraternising with a Sith,” you finished his thought. “I’ll miss you, my Obi-Wan.” 

A soft smile spread across his face, and hesitated before cupping your cheek and pressing a kiss to your lips. You hummed and returned it eagerly, trying to take in and feel everything you could in that moment, saving it in your memory for the next bad day. Something to cherish in the jar in your head where you kept your pleasant memories. 

“Goodbye,” you finally whispered, nose brushing his as you pulled back. Offering him one more smile, you turned and ran back to your ship, just as you heard tiny footfalls starting to ascend the staircase once more. 

“Who was that, Master?” you heard the boy ask. 

“Oh, just an old friend I keep running into. Now, did you find your crystal?” 

“Even better! I found TWO!”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has more than 4,000 words in it. 
> 
> I am in desperate need of a nap.

Six months had never gone by slower. Why had Lord Tyranus even sent you on a diplomatic mission with the Trade Federation to begin with? Your speciality was swinging a lightsaber, not negotiating with and endearing yourself to politicians you might one day be assigned to assassinate. 

But it was no matter. You survived the several months of boredom, making your face well known within the Federation’s senate building, and then you were on an untraceable ship to Coruscant. Your master continued to surprise you in how lax he was in regards to your training. When you’d said you had personal business to attend to, he’d simply waved you off. 

“Just don’t let it take you more than a month,” he’d groused, barely paying you any heed. Under his breath, you thought you heard him murmur something like, “I never wanted another apprentice anyways,” but you couldn’t be sure. Whatever the case was, you rejoiced and finally, after too long, let yourself relax as your ship’s autopilot took you to where you’d be able to see your Obi-Wan again. 

The days that it took you to fly to Coruscant left you with time to reflect on your relationship with the Jedi. He would finally know a part of your tragic backstory, the part you would allow him to see. There was much of it that he couldn’t know, the bits that even you yourself tried to forget, but you hoped that whatever you ended up telling him would quench his curiosity just enough to keep him from poking into your past. 

For no one could know your ultimate secret, the one event that had shaped your life so long ago into what it was today. Not until the time was right. 

You put all thoughts of that aside as you landed on the busy planet below, leaving your ship at a landing dock and paying for the parking before heading towards the public library, one of the biggest structures within the city. On the weekends, when the younglings weren’t tasked with training, you and Obi-Wan would sometimes sneak out and walk to the building, giggling quietly to yourselves as you crouched in one of its corners, reading anything you could get your tiny hands on, from the oldest tomes to the newest children’s novels. It made sense that the two of you would come back here now as adults, and it was with a smile that you greeted one of the librarians as you made your way into the building. 

Not much within it had changed, though you knew the collection had grown exponentially. It had been too long since you had the opportunity to sit down and read something for the sake of enjoyment, and so you made your way to the fiction section. You hadn’t told Obi-Wan a specific time to be there, but he was strong in the force. No doubt he’d sensed your presence as you entered the atmosphere. 

And so, you picked out a book, an adventure novel with a romance weaved into its plot, and made your way to one of the huge windows on the third floor, plopping down into the wind, long window seat beneath it so you could watch the ships go by in your peripheral vision as you read. 

You didn’t know how long it was until you felt someone sit down on the opposite end of the seat, but you were about a fourth of the way through the novel when you looked up to see the smiling face of Obi-Wan Kenobi. You had to do a doubletake, though, when you saw that he was wearing civilian clothes instead of his usual heavy Jedi robes. He was dressed in simple black trousers with a beige long-sleeved t-shirt, but he still had an elegant air about him as he leaned over you to glance at what you were reading. 

“I must say, I’ve never heard of that one,” he observed, nodding to the title of the book. “Is it good?” 

You smiled at how he forewent the usual greetings, and followed his lead as you powered down the data pad. 

“It’s very good,” you replied. “I might have to buy a copy of it to take with me on my travels.”

“Hm. I’ll have to see if I can do the same.” 

Leaning forward, you shifted until you were sitting between him and the window, your head leaning against his shoulder as your body lay parallel to his. He, in turn, leaned his back against the wall and slung an arm over you, keeping you close. Closing your eyes in contentment, you breathed in his scent of clean linen and pine needles deeply. Yes, if perfection could exist in this life, you found it in that moment. 

“How have these six months treated you, my dear?” he asked, and your heart fluttered at the use of the pet name. 

“It’s been boring,” you admitted. “Doing errands for my new master. I can’t go into the details, of course-”

“Oh, of course.” 

“But this is the most exciting thing I’ve done since Ilum.” 

“What, lay with me in a window seat?” 

“Can you not feel how fast my heart is beating?” 

He smiled softly and turned his head to look down at you sincerely. 

“No, I can’t,” he murmured. “I’ve been too distracted by what my own heart is doing.” 

A blush tinted your cheeks, and in that moment you realized how hard this must be for him. You were willing to bet he’d never been this close to someone, that he’d never broken the Code for anyone like this before. And yet here he was, doing it for you. 

“Obi-Wan?” you asked softly. “How do you feel about this?” 

Knowing what you meant, the man let out a deep sigh, letting his head fall back as he looked up at the ceiling, searching for the words to answer you with. 

“I’m...anxious that the council will find out,” he replied slowly. “I’m upset with myself for not being a better Jedi. But...I also know how I feel about you. And I know how mysterious the Force is. Qui-Gon’s always told me to trust the Force, that everything happens for a reason. And I truly believe that it is what’s brought us together again. So...to answer you, I’m scared, but I’m also at peace with you. If such a contradiction is possible.” 

You smiled at his honest answer, and you reached up to cup his cheek, guiding him to meet your eyes as you spoke. 

“I think it is,” you assured him. “I feel it with you, too. This is right, Obi-Wan. I know it is.” 

Looking at you for a long moment, he hesitated before kissing you softly, his arm tightening around you, drawing you closer. Slowly, you returned the caress, moving your lips against his in an unhurried rhythm, setting one hand against his chest to feel that, indeed, his heart was beating as fast as yours. 

Several moments passed before you needed to pull away for air, and you two shared a smile as you set your foreheads against each other, both realizing that this was the first time you could simply enjoy each other’s company. Of course, Obi-Wan hadn’t forgotten the real reason for agreeing to meet you, and the next thing he said made the happiness within your chest turn a little colder, a little less intense as the memories of the past were brought back to your mind. 

“(Y/N), as much as I would love to do nothing more than sit here and kiss you,” he whispered, “I do need answers. You promised you’d answer my questions.” 

“Some of your questions,” you clarified. “I’ll answer what I can, Obi-Wan.” Straightening up, you gave him a weak smile, hoping he understood. “There are things I can’t tell you until-”

“Until the time comes,” he finished. “Yes, I know. I know, (Y/N). And I’ll trust you in that regard if you trust me with knowing at least some of what’s happened to you.” 

“I will,” you promised, taking one of his hands and lacing your fingers through his. “Ask away. I’m ready.”

“Alright,” he sighed, gathering his thoughts. “Why did you fall to the Dark Side?” 

You opened your mouth to answer, but no words came out as you tried to think of something to tell him that wouldn’t give away too much. After a few moments of you scrambling to find an answer, he finally gave up and moved on to another question. 

“What really happened the day you disappeared?” 

That one was a bit easier. 

“The council called me into a meeting,” you explained, forcing your voice to remain even as you recounted those events. “They told me...something. I can’t tell you what it was, but it meant that I had to leave the temple. Leave the Jedi. And so Master Ti took me with her to Corellia.” You thought back to that trip, deciding to leave out the part when she’d guided you to Ilum, letting you go into the tunnels to find the crystal you’d need to make a lightsaber you’d never used. Shaking off that memory, you continued to speak. 

“When we reached Corellia, she stayed with me for a few days to set me up in an orphanage and left,” you said, voice growing more and more quiet until it was barely a whisper. “After that, I was on my own for a few years. The orphanage, it didn’t really care about the children it was supposed to protect, so I’d spend my days out in the street, using the force to pick pockets so I could afford food that wasn’t the slop they served three times a day. I bought clothes for myself, too, and toys for the other children.” You smiled a little as you recalled giving a doll to one of the younger girls, a wooden sword for some of the boys to play pirate with. “I was a resident hero. Stealing from the rich, giving to the poor, that sort of thing. I made friends there, but none of them could ever replace you, Obi-Wan. You always stayed with me in my heart; I’d cry at night sometimes, thinking of you, missing you. The other children thought it was my parents who I was missing, but it was always you.” 

“I don’t understand,” he said then, shaking his head. “The council wouldn’t just...abandon a child like that. They would have at least sent you into the Corps, not to some random children's home on a faraway planet.”

“I was...a special circumstance,” you replied. “And no, before you ask, I can’t tell you why I was. But I was different, and so the council treated me differently. They thought it was the right thing at the time, that it was for the greater good.” 

“How did you become a Sith then?” Obi-Wan asked, his face showing how disturbed he was becoming at all of this. You couldn’t blame him; everything he’d ever believed in, everything he’d been loyal to from the time he was a child, was being called into question, and your heart truly hurt to damage his feelings to the council. You hated them, true, but they’d offered him guidance over the years, and you were sure that he looked up to them. But he’d wanted to know, and it was hard for you to even think of refusing him something that he wanted. 

“Something happened after I’d been there for three years,” you murmured, eyes closing as the pain of the memory surfaced. “Something...something not very nice.” You felt tears well up, but his arm was there, wrapped securely around your shoulders. Taking a deep, trembling breath, you pressed on, gripping his hand tightly between both of yours as you spoke.

“There was a local gang,” you recounted, seeing their faces in your memory. “Everyone knew not to mess with them. But one of the older boys at the orphanage, he couldn’t have been more that 15, had made a deal with them. He wanted money so he could buy a ship, something he could escape with. He just wanted to run away from that place, start a life for himself and his little sister. That’s all he wanted…” 

You paused, feeling a tear slip as you remembered him. He’d always been nice to you, and he’d been your second childhood crush. He never would have compared to Obi-Wan, and he never would have seen you as more than a friend, but he still held a special place in your heart. Looking up at Obi-Wan’s eyes, seeing the hurt within them at seeing you in such pain, gave you resolve. You had to tell this story, despite how much it ached. 

“He ended up owing the gang money, and so they came for him. And...and they took his sister, too. They walked right into the orphanage and dragged them out into the street. The other children just cowered, hiding wherever they could. But I… I followed them. I watched them go into an alleyway and… 

“Obi-Wan, they slit that little girl’s throat right in front of her brother,” you whispered, and you watched as his throat swallowed thickly, horror growing in his eyes as you recounted the tale.

“She had always been nice to me, too, and I watched the life just drain out of her, like it was nothing… I wanted to scream; I wanted to make them stop, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even breath, I just stood there, looking at her corpse. And then they turned to him and just...started beating him. Kicking him, punching him… There were seven men there, each of them at least twice his size, but they didn’t hold back. Not one bit...

“And that was when my body started working again,” you whispered. “I looked around for a weapon and saw a broken bottle lying on the ground and I… I killed them all. Everything went red and black and I just ran at them, slashing where I could. I was faster than them, and I had the force, and it helped me end them, Obi-Wan. I didn’t stop until they were all lying there with their throats cut, and then I turned to help the boy, but… He’d passed out when I was fighting them. I tried to use the force to heal him, but I couldn’t, and he died. He died as I held his head in my lap.” 

You swallowed, looking out the window instead of at his face. You wouldn’t be able to handle it if you looked up to see him disgusted with you, with the skeletons of your past. You couldn’t bare that. Anyone, everyone else could hate you for what you’d done, but not him. 

“(Y/N),” his soft voice said, but still you refused to glance his way. “(Y/N), look at me.” 

Finally, you turned to him, but there was no disgust anywhere on his face, just a deep sadness and compassion, compassion that you hadn’t received from anyone in such a long time. His voice was gentle when he spoke, so gentle that you couldn’t stop more tears from falling as he gently stroked your cheek, brushing your tears away with his thumb.

“No one should have to go through what you did,” he murmured. “Especially not when they were a child. I’m so...so truly sorry for everything you’ve suffered.” 

Letting a quiet sob fall from your parted lips, you buried your face in his chest, clutching him as close as you could as you wept, letting the years of grief out for several minutes. All the while, he simply stroked down your back, whispering soothing words to you as you let out the pain. You hadn’t confided in another person in so long, and it felt so good to just be able to cry without being punished by someone for being weak, without being told to use your pain to make yourself stronger. Obi-Wan simply listened and grieved for you, holding you until the tears ran out and you were left sniffling into his shirt.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, but he just gently shushed you. 

“No, (Y/N), I am,” he protested. “I shouldn’t have pushed you to tell me-”

“But you deserve to know,” you interrupted. “You deserve to know everything; I just wish I could tell you.” Sighing, you looked up at his handsome face, sure that you looked like a tear-stained mess. “You deserve so much, Obi-Wan. More than you know.” 

He blushed but smiled at the words, pecking your forehead. 

“I have you, in this moment,” he stated. “What more could I ask for?” 

One last tear escaped at that, and you kisses his cheek,lowering your mental shields just a bit so he could feel the happiness within you at that statement. 

“I still haven’t fully answered your question, though,” you finally sighed. “About how I fell to the Dark Side.”

“You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to, love.” 

“I want to,” you assured him. “I, um… The worst part is over, so I might as well finish the story.

“My would-be master, Darth Maul, happened to be on Corellia at the time, and he found me there, surrounded by corpses and blood. He’d felt a flutter in the Dark Side of the Force, and so he’d come to investigate and found me. He immediately walked up to me, kneeling down in the blood and met my eyes. ‘You are feeling the worst pain you’ve ever felt right now, aren’t you?’ he’d asked. ‘I can show you a way to use that pain to become so powerful that you’ll never feel sadness again.’ And then he took me to his home and trained me. 

“That’s how I became a Sith,” you finally stated, wiping your face with your sleeve as you finished your tale. “Darth Maul was not a kind master, but he was the only reason I survived that. I know that, had I been left there, the police would have detained me, and I would have never been able to live with myself after what I’d done. Maul, he gave me a purpose, and I think… I think he did care for me, in a way. In the only way he could. There were times when it would all become too much, and instead of punishing me as he usually would, he’d tell me stories. Looking back, they were incredibly boring stories about Sith in long times passed, but they got me to focus on something other than the emptiness I felt.” 

“You must hate Qui-Gon for killing him,” Obi-Wan murmured, and you had to snort at that, both because you’d been the one to end him and the fact that, despite his few moments of almost-kindness, he’d overall been a brute to you. Most of the scars on your body were from him, and you didn’t regret killing him. 

“I don’t hate him,” you corrected him. “Maul wasn’t kind, and Qui-Gon killed him to protect you. I’ll never fault him for that.” 

Obi-Wan paused and looked over your face, then. Truly looked deep within your eyes, almost causing you to squirm from the intensity within his gaze. At least two minutes passed of him watching you like that, and then he spoke in a tone that was soft but at the same time firm, letting you know that he expected, no, demanded nothing but the truth from you. 

“Qui-Gon didn’t kill Darth Maul,” he stated. It wasn’t a question; both of you, in that moment, knew that he knew the truth. “You did. You did it to protect me.” 

Looking down, you opened your mouth to lie, but his hand came up and gripped your chin, forcing your yellow eyes to his. 

“Tell me truth now, (Y/N),” he commanded, and so you did. 

“I saw a vision,” you said slowly. “Of Maul killing Qui-Gon and then fighting you. I saw...I saw a flicker in your eyes. The same flicker I felt so long ago. A flicker of something dark within. I didn’t know if it would make you fall, but I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t risk you becoming a monster like me. And I couldn’t bare to think of you dealing with the loss of the man you see as a father.” 

Surprise flitted over his features at your confession, and his lips parted for a moment as his mind prodded at yours, sensing your honesty through the force. 

“You hate the Sith, don’t you?” he asked, flabbergasted. “You despise the Dark Side, and you despise what it’s made you.” 

“Yes,” you spoke softly, the word sounding more like a sob than an answer. 

A conflicted look passed over his face, and then he was speaking, quietly, urgently, gripping your hand tightly between his own. 

“Then run away with me,” he urged you, and your eyes widened in shock at his words. “(Y/N), you don’t have to tell me why you fell or what’s kept you under the Sith’s thumb for so long; I don’t care. You can leave, love. I could tell the council I’m leaving the Order, and Qui-Gon can finish Anakin’s training. We could get an apartment here and be together, and you’d never have to hate yourself ever again. Just say the word, and I’ll leave everything behind-”

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” you interrupted. “Why would you throw your life away for someone as worthless as me?”

“Because you’re the farthest thing from worthless in my eyes,” he answered. “Because I know how I feel; I always have. I’m not always proud of forming the attachments I’ve made, but I’m not stupid enough to pretend they’re not there, that my heart doesn’t ache at the thought of losing you to the darkness. And… (Y/N), if you just let me, I’ll show you every day for the rest of my life how precious you are to me.” 

Words escaped you. Your responsibilities, your mission, all of the things you’d ever done and the things you had yet to do faded away as your mind drank in the feeling swelling up within your heart. Everything was Obi-Wan, and your soul ached as it filled with hiseyeshissmilehelovesyouhelovesyouhelovesyou. Happiness, so pure and so bright that it took your breath away, crushed your chest until you were fighting for breath, and you closed your eyes. There was so much you were meant to do still, so much that you’d worked towards, but here was the boy who’d read with you, laughed with you, never given up on you, giving you his heart. No, his life. 

And all you had to do was say…

“Yes.” 

The word had left your lips in a breathy sigh before you could think of what you were doing, what you were agreeing to. Shock spread across your faces as you looked at each other, until wide grins mirrored themselves on your faces. 

“You will?” he asked, sounding just as breathless as you had a moment ago. “You really will? You’ll come with me?” 

“Yes,” you answered again, fresh tears flowing. “Yes. Yes, stars, yes. Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan…” 

You cupped his cheeks with both of your hands and kissed him. You kissed him and felt his body shaking against yours, gasped when you felt his tears fall to your face and mix with yours. You felt his force-presence press against yours, sending you his feelings of joyreliefloveexcitementlove until your head span and you had to pull away just to breathe.

You took in his beautiful face, eyes flitting over his features as you pictured a life with him. Waking up to see his face on the pillow next to yours every morning; going out on date nights to the cinema or fancy restaurants; filling an apartment with pictures of the two of you, surrounded by the smell of your perfume and his cologne mixing together. It was all so beautiful, but a voice in the back of your head whispered that it could never happen, that you still had a mission to complete. 

‘No,’ you told that voice, kissing Obi-Wan once again, trying to banish it from that shimmering, perfect moment. 

‘I deserve Obi-Wan Kenobi, and if I would make him happy, then he deserves me.’


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been about a century since I worked on this. Oh, well! I hope this smutty chapter makes up for it, my friends! ;)

As the two of you walked out of the library hand in hand, you felt nothing but the presence of the man beside you. The ground beneath your feet was not there; you walked on the air itself. The crowded Coruscant street and all of its noise was nothing compared to the beating of your own heart in your chest. The fingers laced through yours was the only thing that anchored you to reality. 

“First, we’ll have to look into apartments,” Obi-Wan was saying, pragmatic as always. “I can’t afford anything too ornate, but I have managed to save enough to get us something in a safe, quiet part of town. Well, as quiet as this planet can get. Until then, I suppose we can get a hotel room. I’ll go to the council tomorrow-”

“Obi-Wan?” 

Looking up, his wide, excited blue eyes met your yellow ones, a wide, beautiful smile stretched across his lips. 

“Yes, (Y/N)?” 

“How about we start with dinner and go from there?” 

Chuckling, he nodded, stopping on the sidewalk and turning to face you. 

“Alright, love.” 

“And then we can get a hotel room and plan the rest,” you added, smiling softly. Inside of you, a small spark of anxiety flared up, thinking of all that you were leaving behind. But you pushed those thoughts behind you, looking up at everything you’d gain. Your mission had never made you happy. Obi-Wan did. It was time you, for once, thought of yourself. 

“How does Dex’s sound?” 

Clearing your head, you arched an eyebrow. 

“Dex’s?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never been to Dex’s Diner,” Kenobi scoffed disbelievingly. Laughing, you shrugged. 

“Can’t say I have.” 

“Then that’s where we’ll go.” 

Setting off once more, Obi-Wan guided you down the street, eventually coming up on a small building seemingly made of tin. 

“It doesn’t look like much, but it’s the best food in this part of the city. And Dex usually doesn’t charge me anything.” 

“Why’s that?” 

“I saved his life once on a mission with Qui-Gon. Ever since then we’ve kept in touch. He doesn’t trust the Jedi in general, but he and I have been friends for so long that he’s put aside his misgivings.” 

“He sounds like someone I could get along with,” you remarked as you two stepped inside. All around, there were comfy looking booths made out of red leather, giving the place a cozy feel. And, through a small window in the far wall, you could see a mustached Besalisk flipping pancakes. 

“Dex?” Obi-Wan called out, immediately causing the cook to look up. 

“Obi-Wan!” 

Handing his spatula to a droid, the man you assumed to be Dex made his way out of the kitchen, wrapping Obi-Wan up in a multi-armed hug. 

“So good to see ya! And who’s this pretty lass?” Dex turned to you, smirking at Obi-Wan as he shook your hand. 

“This is (Y/N). We grew up together. We were hoping to grab something to eat? To go?” 

“Of course, my friend. Of course. Have a seat at the bar and I’ll have two specials ready for you in no time.” 

“Thank you, Dex.” 

And so you found yourself sitting in a barstool, looking out one of the room’s windows while Obi-Wan’s hand rested atop yours. The passersby shambled along, preoccupied with their lives and their jobs and their families. Oblivious to the momentous change your life was taking. Oblivious to the way your heart swelled every time you looked into the eyes of your one love.

At the corner of the crowd, under the shade of an awning, your gaze caught on a tall, hooded figure. The lines of his shoulders were familiar, and you could have sworn that he was looking right at you. But within seconds of your seeing him, he was gone, leaving you with a lingering feeling of unease. 

“Here we are! Two specials for you lovebirds.”

Shooting upright, you saw Dex coming around the corner with a bag containing two boxes. Obi-Wan, oblivious to your change in mood, pulled you to your feet and took it from him, a faint blush staining his bearded cheeks. 

“I...never said we were lovebirds,” he protested, to which the older man simply laughed. 

“I’ve seen love enough times to recognize it. You two have fun. And don’t worry; I won’t tell those stuffy Jedi what you’re up to.” 

“Well… Thank you, my friend. For all you’ve done.”

Managing to give Dex one last wave, you followed Obi outside, trying to take deep breaths. A lot of people wore cloaks. It was nothing to get worried over. Especially not now, when you were finally able to be with your love. 

“So. Hotels, now,” he stated, keeping you close at his side. 

“Yes! Hotels. I know one closeby that will work. It’s not too run down, but it’s still easy to lay low there.” 

“Perfect. Lead the way, darling.” 

Smiling at the pet name, you lead him down several side streets, cutting through alleyways and taking shortcuts until you stood outside the place you were looking for. Stately Suites. Honestly, there was nothing stately about them, but you knew they were nice enough to where Obi-Wan, with his neat freak tendencies, wouldn’t turn his nose up. 

“Ok! We’re here. Welcome.” 

Chuckling, Obi-Wan smiled and walked inside with you, heading straight to the clerk. 

“We would like one suite, please.” 

The Twi’lek standing behind the counter looked about as ancient as Coruscant itself, but her wrinkled lips twitched up into a smile when she saw the two of you. Pushing one of her long lekku over her shoulder, she clicked through the directory on her computer screen until she saw something that seemed to please her. 

“You’re in luck! Our honeymoon suite is open, and if you’re just staying with us for one night, I can get it for you two at the same rate as any of our other rooms.” 

“That would be lovely! Thank you so much,” Obi-Wan smiled. You had to stifle a laugh as you took in the charming expression on his face and the way the Twi’lek’s blue skin flushed a darker indigo. He couldn’t help but flirt with everyone he came across, but it didn’t bother you. You knew that he wouldn’t betray your trust. And, honestly, it was cute to see the older woman behind the counter blush. 

“Well, then. Here is your key card. May I have your name and a method of payment?” 

“Kenobi. Here you are.” With that, Obi took your room key and handed the woman a credit card. 

“Oh I could have-” you tried to protest, but Obi-Wan fixed you with a look. 

“I know you could have. But I did instead,” he stated matter-of-factly. Taking back his card and sending the hostess another smile, he lead you into an elevator and pressed a quick kiss to your lips. 

“I... will never get tired of that,” you sighed, eyelids fluttering as you two stepped out into a hallway. 

“Good. I plan on doing it often,” Kenobi stated. 

Swiping the room key quickly, he opened the honeymoon suite’s door and stepped inside. Waiting for you was one of the largest beds you’d ever seen, complete with red silk sheets. On top of it rested a stack of fluffy-looking white towels and two equally soft bathrobes. 

“Huh. Comfortable,” you remarked, taking a seat on the mattress. 

“Er… Yes,” Obi-Wan agreed, suddenly looking vaguely… nervous. Oh, no. Was he regretting coming with you? 

You had to admit, it had all happened so fast. What if he realized he wasn’t ready to give up his life as a Jedi? What if he resented you for tying him down? 

Starting to doubt yourself, you frowned as he handed you one of the to-go boxes, opening it to find three delicious-smelling kabobs and a bed of seasoned rice and veggies. Taking the fork he offered with it, you started eating, savoring each bite even though you were a nervous wreck. ‘Say something,’ you begged him mentally. ‘Say something.’

But there was nothing but an awkward silence until you both were finished with your meals. Turning to him, you saw the same nervous expression you saw before, his eyes flitting between the bed, you, and the food in his lap. 

“It’s ok,” you finally sighed. “I… I know that you probably are regretting this. I don’t blame you. You have so much that you’ve worked for, and I’m… I’m not worth-”

“Stop,” he interrupted, brows furrowed as he shook his head. “Stop. What are you talking about?” 

“You just seem… I don’t know. Nervous. Unsure of all this.” You tucked some hair behind your ear, looking down at your shoes. That is, until a hand cupped your cheek and turned your face towards him. 

“That’s not it at all,” he murmured, his thumb tracing a circle against your cheekbone. “I… I’ll admit that I’m a bit...nervous. But I don’t regret being with you. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” 

“Then why did you all of a sudden get so quiet?” you asked, eliciting a blush from him. 

“Well…” Heaving a heavy sigh, he took both of your empty containers and threw them away before sitting back down and running a hand through his beard. “Well, we’re in the honeymoon suite. We’re...together now. And… And you’re so beautiful, and-”

Blushing yourself, you cracked a small smile and leaned closer to him. 

“Obi-Wan, do you...wanna have sex? Is that what this is about?” 

“Partly,” he answered, clearing his throat and looking away. “I… I do want you, but… I’ve never been with anyone before. I don’t know if I’ll please you the way I want-”

You cut him off, cupping his cheeks and pulling him into a deep kiss, scooting forward until you were all but straddling him. Tangling your tongue with his, your hands moved upwards, threading into his hair and keeping his face close to yours, not letting him pull away. But from the way his hands pulled your hips towards him and the low groan you heard sound from his throat, you could tell that he wasn’t going anywhere. 

Eventually, as the kiss became deeper and more passionate, your hands slid up his stomach, hitching his shirt up until it was bunched up around his chest. Then and only then did his lips break contact with yours. 

Looking into your eyes, he placed his hands over your own and took his shirt off, letting it fall to the floor. 

“Your turn?” he asked, a questioning look in his eyes. Smiling gently, you nodded and sat back, throwing your own shirt off. Your hands reached for your belt, but Obi-Wan’s wrapped around your wrists, stopping you. Looking back up, you saw his eyes as they roamed your body, taking in your exposed skin and the way your chest rose and fell with your every breath.

“Take your time, love,” he whispered. “And let me help.” 

Feeling your heart skip a beat, you nodded, letting him pull you into his lap. Placing your palms against his chest, feeling the soft, golden hair that grew there, you watched as he bowed his head, placing soft, butterfly kisses over your collarbone. Letting out a soft laugh, you felt his beard tickle the skin above your breasts. His lips twisted up into a smile as he looked up at you, palms resting at the top of your pants. 

“Now. May I?” he asked. Nodding quickly, you helped him push your pants down, leaving you only in your undergarments. Looking down, you saw your own blush spread over your body, and you knew that Obi hadn’t missed it either. But from the look of devotion and awe you saw in his eyes, you knew that he loved your body. There was no reason to be self-conscious, no room for self-doubt. The two of you were too close in this moment to feel anything of the sort. 

Laying you back gently, your lover hovered over you, pushing his pants down and kicking off his boots until he was just as bare as you. Only a snug-fitting pair of boxers remained on his lean frame, the hard line of his cock straining against them. 

“If I do anything wrong… tell me,” he murmured. 

“It is impossible for that to happen,” you assured him, running your fingertips over his shoulders, down his arms, over the veins in his hands. You couldn’t stop staring at his body, hoping to memorize every detail of it but knowing you’d always find more to be amazed with. 

Without a word, you slipped your bra off and shimmied your panties down your legs, eliciting a choked-off moan from Obi-Wan. He bit his lip as his eyes wandered down your body, widening when you spread your legs to show him how wet you’d become. 

“I want you just as much as you want me, my love,” you whispered. “I am yours.” 

“You are mine,” he repeated, the tone of his voice disbelieving. 

Pushing his underwear down, his cock sprang up, hot and thick as it pressed against your mound. You wrapped your legs around his waist, and looked down, watching his member spread your folds and sink into you, stretching your inner walls and pulling a moan out of your throat. Hot breath fanned over your face as your lover let out a breathless groan, his eyes closed and lips parted as he felt sensations he never had before. 

“(Y/N)... My darling,” he sighed, forehead pressing against yours. 

His hips started moving, providing the friction you were both desperate for, his moans getting louder with each thrust. Slowly at first, he rolled his hips, the head of his cock hitting deep inside of you in a steady, slow rhythm. The two of you moved together at a steady pace, hips rocking and chests heaving and fingers lacing together. 

Soon, though, his rhythm started growing faster, his thrusts harder, and before you knew it he was letting out a muffled curse as he came inside of you, his body trembling as his orgasm washed over him in waves. All the while, you pressed kisses to his lips, his cheeks, his chin, humming as you felt his warm seed start to drip over your thighs. 

“I-I… I’m so sorry,” he breathed, his facial expression starting to look vaguely horrified. 

“What for?” you chuckled. “I’m on birth control; you don’t have to worry about-” 

“No. No, no,” he protested, shaking his head. “No, I… I finished before you.” 

His cheeks and neck were stained a dark red as he pulled his softening cock out of you, and you felt a warm smile come to your lips as the two of you sat up. 

“Obi-Wan,” you laughed softly. “This is your first time, and… Well. You’re a man. It’s ok! Truth be told, you lasted longer than I expected.” 

Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, he opened his mouth to speak and held it there, silent for several moments before talking. 

“You didn’t warn me,” he stated, and again you laughed. 

“I thought it was something you knew!” 

“Why would you think that?” 

“Surely the temple put you through a sex ed course,” you chuckled, only to fall silent when Obi-Wan simply looked at you. 

“Are you serious? They didn’t teach you about-”

“(Y/N), I had to learn what sex was from the HoloNet. And even then I was confused.” 

Falling into another fit of laughter, you fell back against the pillows, watching as your lover’s face slowly split into a grin to match your own. 

“Well, I’m quite glad that you’re having a laugh,” he exclaimed, laying down beside you. “At my expense, no less!”

“I’m sorry, Obi-Wan. I should have known the temple wouldn’t tell you about such things.” 

“Well how did you learn about it?” he asked. 

“Actually, Maul had to give me the talk,” you giggled, thinking back to that memory. “It was the most awkward I’d ever seen him. I was 14 when he sat me down. He started it off with, ‘It’s my duty as your master to inform you of how children are made so you can take precautions so as never to have them. We will discuss this and then we will forget this ever happened.’”  
Now it was Obi’s turn to laugh, his smile bright and wide as he pictured that scenario. 

“I cannot even begin to imagine the talk that ensued.” 

“It was awful. It was so bad, in fact, that it was the only time when Maul ever let me go out and buy ice cream for myself,” you remembered. Shaking your head, you focused once more on Obi-Wan, rolling over until your legs were straddling his waist and your chin was resting on his chest. 

“But, love, in all seriousness. You have nothing to feel ashamed of,” you promised him. Nodding slowly, his face grew serious as he pulled you closer, arms wrapping around you tightly.

“Thank you, (Y/N). But I still…” 

“What?” 

“I still want to make you cum,” he answered, looking into your eyes. Slowly, you felt his hand trail over your ass, cupping the flesh there. “Please?” 

Lips parted, you simply nodded in response. 

“Then sit up.” 

You obeyed him, sitting up on your knees with your legs on either side of his waist. One of his hands rested on your thigh, keeping you steady, while the other traced down your chest, squeezing one of your breast before moving further down. 

Slowly, one of his fingers traced your lower lips, pushing past them and into your pussy. Biting your lip, you closed your eyes as he started thrusting that finger, curling it slightly as if he were looking for something. 

“Obi-Wan…” you sighed, hands resting against his chest. 

You gasped when you felt another finger push inside of you, letting out a soft moan as they started to brush against the spot along your inner walls that made your toes curl. Noticing that, your lover started thrusting his fingers against it over and over again while his thumb started to slowly circle your clit. 

“Oh-!” you moaned, letting your head fall back as your hips started rolling. 

“That’s right, my love. Ride my fingers,” he encouraged you, eyes hazy as he watched your body move along his hand. 

Faster and faster, your hips bucked against his digits, the bed creaking beneath you as you grew closer and closer to your release. Soon, you were panting, breaths shallow and uneven as you felt your lower muscles tighten. 

“Cum for me, darling,” Obi-Wan murmured, moving his fingers in time with your hips. “Cum for me…” 

With a cry, you did as he said, closing your eyes and seeing sparks as your orgasm rolled through you. Whimpering softly, your hips slowly started to settle, growing still when you lover pulled his hand away, letting it fall to the bed beside him. Looking down, you watched as he slowly brought one of his fingers to his lips, licking it with a curious expression on his face.   
Shuddering at the side, you once more rested on top of him, catching your breath and feeling as if your legs were suddenly made out of gelatin. 

“Was that good, (Y/N)?” Obi-Wan asked quietly. Chuckling tiredly, you nodded, looking up at him with a satisfied, sleepy countenance. 

“More than good,” you assured him, leaning up to press a chaste, sweet kiss to his lips. “Thank you.” 

“Thank you, my love,” he answered. “Now sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” 

Nodding, you rested your cheek against him and closed your eyes, falling asleep to the cadence of his breath. 

__________________

The next morning, you woke up in that exact position, laying over him, your head rising and falling with his chest. Smiling to yourself, you sat up, wincing as you heard several of your joints popping. 

Obi-Wan was still asleep, you realized. A single strand of his hair fell over his eyes, and his lips were parted as he snored softly, peacefully. You debated for a moment on whether or not you should wake him, but then you heard a quiet knock sound at the door. 

Figuring that it must be room service, you stood up and hurriedly wrapped one of the hotel’s bathrobes around your naked frame, tucking your lightsaber into one of its pockets on instinct. Once more, the knock sounded, and you hurried over to answer it. 

Pulling the door open, your smile fell as soon as you saw who was waiting on it’s other side. 

“Good morning, my apprentice,” Count Dooku drawled.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you guys thought that I'd forgotten about this fic, huh? Well an elephant never forgets! Also, I apologize in advance for returning with this particular chapter... I hope you all can forgive me! Feel free to leave me your feedback down below, and as always, I hope you enjoy. Love you all!

“M-master,” you stuttered, shutting the door to your hotel room behind you as you stared up in horror at Darth Tyranus. “Master, I can explain-”

 

“No need to explain, my apprentice,” the Sith drawled. “I assure you, I’m familiar with what transpired within that room. What I don’t understand is why you thought you could not only sleep with a Jedi, but also get away with doing so without my knowledge.” 

“Master-”

Suddenly, you felt an invisible, crushing force descend upon the column of your throat, and your hands clawed at it uselessly in an attempt to breathe once more. As you felt yourself being lifted off the ground, you kicked your feet and watched Count Dooku as he leaned in closer, his crooked teeth gritted in anger as he all but growled his next words at you. 

“I never wanted an apprentice,” he stated. “But my master entrusted me with one regardless. So it is my duty to not only continue your training, but to keep you from doing stupid things like falling in love with those we are sworn to fight against.” 

“I don’t...love him,” you choked out, and with a laugh your master released you from his clutches, sending you to the ground. Gasping, you looked up to see him looking at the door behind you. 

“If that’s the case, I suppose I could always go inside and end the boy’s life-” 

“No!” 

Nearly leaping to your feet, you planted yourself between him and the path to Obi-Wan, realizing a second too late that you’d just given yourself away. A smug expression took over Dooku’s face, and for a moment you were silent, fingers twitching as you thought about the lightsaber still resting in your robe’s pockets. 

“(Y/N)... I do not plan on ending Kenobi’s life,” the Count informed you. “Not now, anyways. Your life, however, is looking less and less valuable to me by the second. However, a failure on my apprentice’s part is, ultimately, a failure on mine as well, and quite frankly, I don’t want to deal with a lecture from my master because of you. So I am going to give you a choice. Are you listening?” 

Feeling frustrated tears threatening to escape your eyes, you did nothing but nod and look down at the ground, listening to your teacher’s next words carefully. 

“You can try to fight me now. Try to kill me and rise up as my master’s next apprentice, all the while continuing your love affair with a Jedi who could never possibly understand or accept the darkness within you. Or you can do the wise thing and return to Neimoidia with me to continue the training you so obviously require to improve your will-power.” 

You felt as if your thoracic cavity was going to cave in as you pondered his words. If you were to leave now, it would crush Obi-Wan. You would break his heart and leave him alone to pick up the pieces of it. But if you stayed, you would have to fight not only Dooku, but eventually Sidious when he came looking for revenge against your betrayal. And even when you weren’t faced with insurmountable odds, you knew you wouldn’t survive an attack from the Lord of the Sith. 

And… Your mission. You’d been so ready to give it up yesterday, to let the last several years of your life go to waste without truly completing it. But now that it was morning, and now that you were reminded of the cruel reality of your existence, you knew that you couldn’t abandon it. Not now, when you were so close. 

Looking up to meet Dooku’s eyes, you let your tears fall freely even as you steeled your nerve to give him his answer. 

“I will come with you,” you whispered. “But please… Let me say goodbye to him. Leave him a note… Something. Please.” 

You could see Dooku debate with himself for a moment as he considered your request. 

“I will give you three minutes. After that, I will head to my ship, with or without you.” 

You nodded tersely before turning around, entering your hotel room once again, and locking the door behind you, despite knowing that it would do nothing to stop the Sith if he wanted to come in. After feeling Dooku’s force presence retreat to the lobby of the hotel, you let yourself crumble, falling to the ground and heaving silent sobs all while listening to Obi-Wan’s quiet snoring. 

Looking up, you saw him still laying there peacefully, oblivious to how your world was breaking apart. Three minutes was all you had, and you spent one of them just watching him, cataloguing everything you could about him in that moment before finally rising to your feet. Swallowing down any more tears you might have had, you forced yourself to redress before reaching into the hotel’s dresser drawers in search of a notepad. 

Gripping it in one hand and a pen in the other, you wrote your goodbye in small, shaky letters, a reflection of the battle within yourself. After your three minutes were up, you left Obi-Wan laying there with a kiss to his forehead and a note on your pillow before leaving him once more. 

This time, you didn’t know if he would ever forgive you. 

___________ 

It was another hour before Obi-Wan woke up, and the first thing we was aware of was your scent. He breathed in deeply through his nose, smiling at the lingering smell of the two of you as it rested heavily in the air. His smile faded, though, when he became aware of the second thing he’d notice that morning - how cold the bed felt. During the night, your body had been pressed against his, forming a chrysalis of warmth that had soothed him into a deep slumber, the best he’d had in years. 

Now, there was nothing but an empty bed to greet him. Sitting up, he pushed his bangs out of his eyes, looking around the room for you. When his eyes fell onto the note on your pillow, something within him sank, and he knew even before he read it that you were gone. Balling his fists up at his sides, he felt tears threaten to spring forth, and he took a moment to close his eyes and simply breathe, trying and failing to release his feelings to the force. 

When he could take it no more, he reached forward and took the note, eyes skimming over your words, noting that some of them appeared to be blurred from where tears of your own at fallen. 

‘My dearest Obi-Wan,’ it read, ‘There aren’t a lot of things in life that I am certain of, but I know without a doubt that I’ll never forgive myself for leaving you. Like I said yesterday, I wish I could tell you everything. I wish I could make you understand why I continue on this path that’s done nothing but torture me and hurt you. But I can’t. All I can tell you is that I love you, and yesterday was the brightest star in the night of my life. 

‘Don’t come looking for me; I’m long gone by now. If the force is kind, I’ll see you again, and if you’re kinder, you won’t hate me for what I’ve done. I love you. -(Y/N)’

As he read those last words, Obi-Wan felt tempted to rush to clothe himself and race after you, ready to blaze a trail through all of Coruscant to track you down and force you to come back to him. But his resolve withered as he read your note again. He didn’t hate you for leaving him, but he did feel hate, as surely as he felt sadness as he rose to dress himself. 

He hated the Sith for taking you away from him. He hated the pain you’d faced your whole life, and he hated himself for not being awake to reason with you this morning, to beg you not to go. But most of all, in a realization that shook him to his core, he realized that he hated the Jedi Counsel for whatever it had done to you all those many years ago. 

With wide eyes and a heavy sigh, Obi-Wan sat down on the bed after he’d put his clothes on once more, looking down to find that his hands were shaking. He didn’t like how this felt - the realization that he held resentment for the Counsel felt like a black sludge crawling through his brain, undermining all that he’d learned throughout his life. 

“There is no emotion,” he recited to himself, whispering the words he’d grown up hearing, believing. “There is peace.” 

As his brain continued his recitation of the rest of the Jedi Code, though, a new thought sprang to the forefront of his mind, and for the first time in his life, he understood a small bit of the Sith that had never once made sense to him. He didn’t know if he agreed with it, and he certainly wasn’t proud for even considering it, but he empathized with it now, at the lowest point he’d ever faced. 

“Peace is a lie,” he murmured, thinking about the woman he loved and how she’d managed to tilt his world on its axis. 

______________

Time seemed to blur as you continued your training with Count Dooku. Every day, you would train with him on something that held no interest for you - saber techniques, exercises in force manipulation, Sith codes and dogma. You pretended to be interested as Darth Tyranus, for the first time since you’d become his apprentice, took an interest in teaching you, but in reality you were numb on the inside. 

Years passed like that, with you watching life happen as if from far away, letting your body go on autopilot as you were mentally stuck in that hotel room with your true love sleeping on the bed in front of you. You were vaguely aware of your body growing stronger, your words becoming harsher, your fighting style growing more and more savage until you started besting the Count more often than not during your sparring sessions. You were slowly morphing into what appeared to be the perfect Sith machine, but on the inside you were barely functioning. 

One day, though, you were broken out of your haze unexpectedly as you carried out yet another mission with the Count. As you worked with him to prepare for the war Darth Sidious so desperately desired, you found that more and more often the two of you would carry out diplomatic missions with the Trade Federation, gaining them as your allies and in turn doing them favors in their back-handed dealings throughout the galaxy. In the background, you knew that the Jedi were doing the same with the galactic Senate, already unwittingly making themselves political allies as tensions rose throughout the star systems. 

That day, you were to assist a Federation representative in his dealings with a Senator from Coruscant, acting as a glorified bodyguard as they went about their business on the planet you’d grown to hate. However, luckily for you, you were to simply keep to the shadows, out of sight, just in case anything happened that threatened the Federation agent as they negotiated in the Senate building. If you cared in the slightest about the missions your master sent you on, you would have been insulted at the ease of the task. 

But instead, you’d simply nodded upon being given your assignment and made way for the ship you’d be using, trying not to remember your night on Coruscant five years ago with the man you still loved. And it was working, for the most part. The Federation member was pleasant and grateful, if not slightly unnerved, by your cold presence over her shoulder, and you were doing a fantastic job of blending into the shadows once the two of you arrived in the Senate building. 

That is, until the Jedi showed up to arrest the woman you were protecting. And who would be among them other than Anakin Skywalker and his master, Obi-Wan Kenobi?

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr! I'm @nickywritesimagines. And, of course, leave me a comment saying what you think of the story!


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